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Humorous and Funny Love Quotes

A collection of humorous and funny love quotes.

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.
When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
Men only have two faults....What they do, and what they say!
You can't buy love on eBay.
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
It is impossible to love and be wise.
Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity.
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you.
And she never did.
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
It's been so long since I made love,
I can't even remember who gets tied up.
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.
The only people who make love all the time are liars.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
Love is a grave mental disease.
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.”
All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.
Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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