Destiny


The other day my precious six-year-old girl came up to me while my hands were full of cookie dough and said,

"Mommy, Blossom told Buttercup that you make your own destiny. What's destiny?"

Now I knew the reference was to the Powerpuff girls cartoon she was watching.

I told her, "Well, honey, destiny is like your future."

"Why didn't they say just say future then? How do you make destiny?", she asked.



Hmmm. I thought to myself and came back with this answer. "Making your own destiny involves choosing. Like we are making sugar cookies for school tomorrow. We could have chosen to make chocolate chip instead. We made our own destiny by choosing. Some people think you have control of your destiny and some people think it’s just going to happen." Brilliant, I thought - until the look on my daughters face told me she still didn't get it.



I thought of the next best answer I could think of, "Go ask Daddy. He's on the porch reading the newspaper."



Off she went like she was about to discover America. I shouted from the kitchen, "Sweetie, get ready for a tough one!"



I set back to making cookies, but my love of "family" moments soon got the better of me. I knew my husband had unique ways of explaining things and I wanted to hear how he would tackle this one.

I took the bowl to the screen door to listen in. From where I stood, I could see my husband's newspaper had been replaced with a lapful of little girl. A beautiful sun was just setting across the field,

I was pretty sure the glare from it was keeping me hidden.



"I don't get it.", Katie was telling my husband.



"Well, mommy is right about the cookies." He looked pensively. I could tell he was enjoying the challenge of teaching his little girl something new. We’ve always appreciated so many of the same things in life.

"Let me give you another example. YOU, are my and mommy's destiny."

That's got to confuse her, I thought.



"YOU, and your little brother, didn't necessarily have to be here. In fact, there was a time that it looked like Mommy and Daddy weren't going to be together at all, so YOU would never have been born." He paused, obviously not satisfied with his own answer.

"About eight years ago, before we got married, Mommy decided to – go away - from Daddy. Now, she had her reasons - that were hard for me to understand. I could see a possible future for us, a destiny that had YOU and David in it, and even this house.

But mommy wasn't so sure about it."

"Why wasn't mommy sure Daddy?", my daughter asked.



Oh great. Now I'm the bad guy.



"Well, she needed some time alone to think things through, I think.” He stumbled. “It wasn't so easy for her to see and believe in this destiny, this possible future.", he answered - trying desperately to tie it all in.

He continued, "I didn't quite understand it myself, baby. But I had choices - decisions to make. Like, do I continue to try and show her this destiny and make her believe in it? That could just push her away more.

Do I go away and trust to fate that her heart will make her believe in this future?"



"What's fate Daddy?"

He's losing her, I thought.

"Never mind. Forget I said that.", was my husband's astute reply.



"What did you do Daddy?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked that.", he said with a little grin and pulled her into a closer snuggle on his lap. Now they were both staring out at the waning sun.

"Destiny is made up of little choices. Sometimes choices that you would never expect could change your destiny, does. - I shaved."



Katie seemed perplexed and looked intently at his face, "You do that every morning Daddy."



"Right. I do. But I used to have a moustache and Mommy never really liked it. She kind of urged me to get rid of it, but I'd had it for a long time and would have been uncomfortable without it."

He paused. "A very small thing to do, but I think that's the one thing that clicked in Mommy and made her realize I could be what she wanted me to be. Maybe she realized that she shouldn't get caught up in things like that.

Sometimes..., very small things make your destiny - things that don't even make sense to you at the time. And now, here you are - and there is David up in his room taking a nap."



What a goof, I thought to myself. He NEVER DID understand what was in my head back then. It had absolutely nothing to do with that silly moustache at all.



I heard Katie say, "You'd look funny with a moustache Daddy!" Apparently she was happy with the explanation and my husband came back with, "Funny? You want to see funny? This is funny."

He started to tickle her and she giggled that wonderful giggle that always brings a smile to my own face.



I stepped away from the porch and started up the stairs to check on David napping. His moustache? How superficial does he think I am? I just needed to figure things out for myself, I thought as I peeked into his dark room, to see my beautiful little boy had kicked off the covers again. I covered him back up, still with dough bowl in hand.

In fact, I think I still have the story that really helped me see things. I think I'll get it and show him how wrong and silly he is.

As I reached the back of my closet and pulled out "the box", I recalled that he was even the one that forwarded it on to me through email. I remembered he really didn't know what to do at the time to help. I had him so off-balance, he seemed to be doing ALL the wrong things at the wrong time. I know he was just trying to get me to see that all this was a very possible destiny. It's hard for me to even remember why I couldn't now...

Deep down I knew we went so well together and we became so close that I knew I loved him...

My thoughts were more like:

I can’t look at destiny, when now is confusing.

Was I 'in love'?

Was it what I wanted forever?

Can I even possibly make a decision like that right now?

Wait a minute. I don't think I kept that story at all, now that I think about it.



Now I remember, I thought he wrote it himself to make some point to me. He just couldn't let go of that destiny thing. In fact, I remember feeling stress just reading it. I guess it really did push me away more... Where my head was, it’s a wonder I didn’t make a different decision...



As I walked out of my bedroom and into my empty apartment, I took the bowl of mixed salad back to the kitchen and thought about how life does hinge on small decisions and timing.

As I was deciding what I was going to do with my evening, I tried to remember what the name of that story was and exactly why we never had gotten married.



A funny thought entered my mind as I bent over to pick up my precious Katey-cat. I wonder if it’s possible to miss something that was never allowed to be?

I snuggled her close to erase the feeling.



That's right. The story was called 'Destiny'. I wonder how it would read to me now.

I had to read the ending twice to get it, but it was worth it.
There is wisdom/advice in this story for the person faced with a decision they may not think decides their destiny.
I probably could have heeded that advice in the past.

Good story to send to your significant other if they seem to be at a crossroads.

I like it!

This is a good story, you have a nice way with words. My cousin wrote a similar story to her husband when he was on the way out, painting a picture of how sad it would be all alone without her. Well, he left her note on her doorstep with a third option written below, that he would find someone else. That's exactly what happened, and whenever they fight now ; have to see each other do to work; he throws it in her face. So just be careful how you use these kinds of messages, and make sure you know how the person will react. Good luck!

KeepingItReal, if your cousin looked at a story like this and only saw the negative message that he can't have something good somewhere else, then he may have been in the same place that the woman in this story was, and missed the meaning I believe. He also let the story push him away rather than understanding it for the meaning I get. (Most likely your married cousin was in a much different situation after having entered into the commitment already.)

Or maybe that was the meaning in your cousin's story, but I think the meaning here is awareness of the reality of David, Katie, her husband and that destiny at a time when the decision is made. There are losses and gains in our decisions that we sometimes overlook too casually. Maybe there is a real Billy and Suzie in another destiny, maybe not., but the destiny she was on was leading her to her adored children, the things she valued in life and she didn't recognize it. She left it for a reason she couldn't quite remember or understand later. A reason that was not comensurate with the value of those children and that destiny. I don't get the feeling there was much wrong with the relationship in this story, so much as it was a timing issue with her.

The meaning I get is, sometimes a lot is lost in a decision and noone really notices, misses or mourns for it... yet, it is still lost.

[quote="reflection"]
I probably could have heeded that advice in the past.

Good story to send to your significant other if they seem to be at a crossroads.
[/quote]

I would have to disagree. The recipient may view it as a desperate attempt to control the other person. What is meant to be will be. Projecting a sad future for a person if they do not see things your way is not my definition of destiny. If you care for someone, it does not seem like a nice thing to do to send them a story where the wise daddy tells the child that bad mommy went away until he manipulated her into changing how she felt or thought. Yikes!! I say do not try this at home, folks.

[quote="Laura]
What is meant to be will be. Projecting a sad future for a person if they do not see things your way is not my definition of destiny. If you care for someone, it does not seem like a nice thing to do to send them a story where the wise daddy tells the child that bad mommy went away until he manipulated her into changing how she felt. Yikes!! I say do not try this at home, folks.[/quote]

I see your point, but I think the story is about the things that CREATE your destiny, which is actually the opposite of "what is meant to be will be". The daddy actually told the child that he thought shaving changed her mind and never said the mommy was bad, but said there was a time she was at a crossroads. Small decisions have great effect is the point.
If you care for someone, maybe this is EXACTLY what you hope they understand when considering a decision. I would.
Like I said, I see your point because there was a good destiny versus a bad one - probably for the effect of making the point. I didn't get caught up in that (but it would have worked as well for me if it has been left completely unknown).
What's ironic is that the woman in the story actually took the story poorly herself in one destiny when she received it, and well in the other.

I guess it depends on the mindset of the recipient, but anything that tries to stop and make you think about alternatives could be viewed as manipulative/controlling if that is your mindset. If I did send this to someone, it would be only to illustrate and protect the destiny I believe in, not to control or take away choice from that person. It would be to say in a caring way, "Darling, if you can, please look through my eyes for a moment."

It reminds me of the movie Sliding Doors where a woman made some decision (don't remember what) and they follow her on two different destinies.

[quote="reflection"]
I see your point, but I think the story is about the things that CREATE your destiny, which is actually the opposite of "what is meant to be will be". The daddy actually told the child that he thought shaving changed her mind and never said the mommy was bad, but said there was a time she was at a crossroads. .[/quote]

I just went to shut down my computer and this page is still up. I'm surprised you are still looking at this story a month later, Reflection. Ha!Ha! Your story isn't bad, I did not mean to imply that. But the story is obviously about the letter sent that changes the woman's mind (or not), and nothing really to do with shaving. It is just not a message I think would work to make someone think your way or "see things through your eyes". The part where the daddy tells the daughter "Mommy decided to – go away - from Daddy" is the weakest part. A child in real life has no business hearing that, for any reason. But this is just a story, and that line does make it more dramatic.