Destiny

G-Force · **Posted:** Tue Dec 14, 2004 12:41 am

jellyfisherman wrote:

Destiny
The other day my precious six-year-old girl came up to me while my hands were full of cookie dough and said,
"Mommy, Blossom told Buttercup that you make your own destiny. What's destiny?"
Now I knew the reference was to the Powerpuff girls cartoon she was watching.
I told her, "Well, honey, destiny is like your future."
"Why didn't they say just say future then? How do you make destiny?", she asked.
Hmmm. I thought to myself and came back with this answer. "Making your own destiny involves choosing. Like we are making sugar cookies for school tomorrow. We could have chosen to make chocolate chip instead. We made our own destiny by choosing. Some people think you have control of your destiny and some people think it’s just going to happen." Brilliant, I thought - until the look on my daughters face told me she still didn't get it.
I thought of the next best answer I could think of, "Go ask Daddy. He's on the porch reading the newspaper."
Off she went like she was about to discover America. I shouted from the kitchen, "Sweetie, get ready for a tough one!"
I set back to making cookies, but my love of "family" moments soon got the better of me. I knew my husband had unique ways of explaining things and I wanted to hear how he would tackle this one.
I took the bowl to the screen door to listen in. From where I stood, I could see my husband's newspaper had been replaced with a lapful of little girl. A beautiful sun was just setting across the field,
I was pretty sure the glare from it was keeping me hidden.
"I don't get it.", Katie was telling my husband.
"Well, mommy is right about the cookies." He looked pensively. I could tell he was enjoying the challenge of teaching his little girl something new. We’ve always appreciated so many of the same things in life.
"Let me give you another example. YOU, are my and mommy's destiny."
That's got to confuse her, I thought.
"YOU, and your little brother, didn't necessarily have to be here. In fact, there was a time that it looked like Mommy and Daddy weren't going to be together at all, so YOU would never have been born." He paused, obviously not satisfied with his own answer.
"About eight years ago, before we got married, Mommy decided to – go away - from Daddy. Now, she had her reasons - that were hard for me to understand. I could see a possible future for us, a destiny that had YOU and David in it, and even this house.
But mommy wasn't so sure about it."
"Why wasn't mommy sure Daddy?", my daughter asked.
Oh great. Now I'm the bad guy.
"Well, she needed some time alone to think things through, I think.” He stumbled. “It wasn't so easy for her to see and believe in this destiny, this possible future.", he answered - trying desperately to tie it all in.
He continued, "I didn't quite understand it myself, baby. But I had choices - decisions to make. Like, do I continue to try and show her this destiny and make her believe in it? That could just push her away more.
Do I go away and trust to fate that her heart will make her believe in this future?"
"What's fate Daddy?"
He's losing her, I thought.
"Never mind. Forget I said that.", was my husband's astute reply.
"What did you do Daddy?"
"Well, I'm glad you asked that.", he said with a little grin and pulled her into a closer snuggle on his lap. Now they were both staring out at the waning sun.
"Destiny is made up of little choices. Sometimes choices that you would never expect could change your destiny, does. - I shaved."
Katie seemed perplexed and looked intently at his face, "You do that every morning Daddy."
"Right. I do. But I used to have a moustache and Mommy never really liked it. She kind of urged me to get rid of it, but I'd had it for a long time and would have been uncomfortable without it."
He paused. "A very small thing to do, but I think that's the one thing that clicked in Mommy and made her realize I could be what she wanted me to be. Maybe she realized that she shouldn't get caught up in things like that.
Sometimes..., very small things make your destiny - things that don't even make sense to you at the time. And now, here you are - and there is David up in his room taking a nap."
What a goof, I thought to myself. He NEVER DID understand what was in my head back then. It had absolutely nothing to do with that silly moustache at all.
I heard Katie say, "You'd look funny with a moustache Daddy!" Apparently she was happy with the explanation and my husband came back with, "Funny? You want to see funny? This is funny."
He started to tickle her and she giggled that wonderful giggle that always brings a smile to my own face.
I stepped away from the porch and started up the stairs to check on David napping. His moustache? How superficial does he think I am? I just needed to figure things out for myself, I thought as I peeked into his dark room, to see my beautiful little boy had kicked off the covers again. I covered him back up, still with dough bowl in hand.
In fact, I think I still have the story that really helped me see things. I think I'll get it and show him how wrong and silly he is.
As I reached the back of my closet and pulled out "the box", I recalled that he was even the one that forwarded it on to me through email. I remembered he really didn't know what to do at the time to help. I had him so off-balance, he seemed to be doing ALL the wrong things at the wrong time. I know he was just trying to get me to see that all this was a very possible destiny. It's hard for me to even remember why I couldn't now...
Deep down I knew we went so well together and we became so close that I knew I loved him...
My thoughts were more like:
I can’t look at destiny, when now is confusing.
Was I 'in love'?
Was it what I wanted forever?
Can I even possibly make a decision like that right now?
Wait a minute. I don't think I kept that story at all, now that I think about it.
Now I remember, I thought he wrote it himself to make some point to me. He just couldn't let go of that destiny thing. In fact, I remember feeling stress just reading it. I guess it really did push me away more... Where my head was, it’s a wonder I didn’t make a different decision...
As I walked out of my bedroom and into my empty apartment, I took the bowl of mixed salad back to the kitchen and thought about how life does hinge on small decisions and timing.
As I was deciding what I was going to do with my evening, I tried to remember what the name of that story was and exactly why we never had gotten married.
A funny thought entered my mind as I bent over to pick up my precious Katey-cat. I wonder if it’s possible to miss something that was never allowed to be?
I snuggled her close to erase the feeling.
That's right. The story was called 'Destiny'. I wonder how it would read to me now.

G-Force · **Posted:** Tue Dec 14, 2004 1:20 am

I agree with Laura. If I said:

"About eight years ago, before we got married, Mommy decided to – go away - from Daddy. Now, she had her reasons - that were hard for me to understand. I could see a possible future for us, a destiny that had YOU and David in it, and even this house. But mommy wasn't so sure about it."

I'd be missing some vital body parts!:) OK, Laura didn't say exactly that, but same sentiment. Tell the kids that they could have had a different color room, but don't tell them mom wasn't sure about a future with their dad, or THEM!. So let's say the guy wouldn't really say that in real life were he oh so lucky enough to have the lady follow what he clearly spelled out for her in black and white (You want cookies with your very own precious children or salad with a cat? Hmmm, let me think) but just put it in the story for effect. Any guy who would send this to a gal would sound like he was pushing the biological clock emotional button. That's bassakwards imho. First a true, sure, stable relationship, then decide that's the person you want to have kids with. Using a desire for children to cement a relationship leads to a very faulty foundation. That is true whether you are dating or married, as many of us seasoned veterans know.

cause_N_effect · **Joined:** Sat Jan 08, 2005 9:03 pm **Posts:** 21

here is another surprise ending (see poems). the follow up was interesting. everyone is discussing how the story might be used to persuade someone to realize their love for you. my opinion is that there is too much focus in the story and in the comments about the children and that picturesque life you might miss out on. you can have kids with almost anyone. there are few people you could romantically love for a lifetime. plus life can hand you anything, such as handicapped children or financial ruin or a serious sickness. i think G_Force has it right when he says there should be solid love before talk of the kids and that ideal future. i wouldn't send this story with the fairytale on one side or loneliness on the other. i'd send a story about how strong my love was and how right we were for each other regardless of what life handed us.

Mombo · **Joined:** Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:26 pm **Posts:** 1

Not so much about the perfect ending versus the sad ending. For me, even more significant was how this was from the perspective that the man was just the hapless victim and the woman was the problem. Why would anyone at a crossroads, as one of you said, want to hear this self-serving perspective if she is not sure this is the right guy to spend her life with?

The man is projected into the future as the parent who has a unique way of explaining things, and the wife cannot wait to hear his wisdom.
[I knew my husband had unique ways of explaining things and I wanted to hear how he would tackle this one.] --- Yes, telling the daughter that long ago mommy did not believe in them and the ideal future and she and baby brother were almost not to be is unique all right! :razz:

Then there is the blame for what was wrong with the relationship back in the day, but very cleverly spoken by the woman, condemning herself.
[I had him so off-balance, he seemed to be doing ALL the wrong things at the wrong time.] --- He is doing the wrong things at the wrong time, but he is not to blame because SHE HAD him off-balance. He had no control over how balanced he was. :lol:

I would not want to hear this tripe while I was in an unstable relationship trying to figure out if I even wanted to be with the other person. I guess this is the author's fantasy, so he can put these words in the woman's mouth 8 years after the story is written and sent to her if he wants to. It won't help his cause in the current reality, though.

Bombdiggiity · **Joined:** Mon Jan 31, 2005 10:26 pm **Posts:** 10

I'm in touch with my feminine side, and I've been known to pen a few stories and a poem or two. I thought the story was o.k., although the whole cookie baking Mom with wise old Dad lounging on the porch with the newspaper struck me as pretty old-fashioned. My girl rode the fence for a long time, and I know how that goes, although we are way past that. I just had her take a look to see what she thought of it. I didn't let her read any of the comments. She said, quote, "If you had written something cheesie like that, I would have picked the cat." She's cute. :grin:

Heath · **Joined:** Sun Apr 03, 2005 3:09 pm **Posts:** 2

I only read this because Destiny is my girlfriend's name and I just posted a mesg about her then saw this - lol. I didn't get the story much except that it is saying different things can happen in life, I guess. I didn't get through all the answers but the one that said "I think the meaning here is awareness of the reality of David, Katie, her husband and that destiny at a time when the decision is made" lost me. None of that was reality at the time of the decision if they are talking about at the time the email mesg was sent. Was it?

Destiny

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