What SHOULD I have done back then?

Clemencea · **Joined:** Sat Oct 07, 2006 4:00 pm **Posts:** 3

How could I have held onto Skye? :'(
.My problem is this:
When I was in primary school I fell in love with someone called Skye

But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away from me and I got sent to the local comprehensive.

I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired.

Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.

Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Ian ) I began to feel very depressed.

Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:

Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school as I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Skye was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too which made me terrified of High school.

I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.

At the end of the third year I then refused to go to school altogether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I now failed ALL my GCSEs (apart from getting a ‘C’ In English) I feel so awful! I can’t believe I let this happen.I have now then sat at home doing nothing for the past year....now i am 18 years old!!!!!

However this is my problem:

i am now 18

I want to go to college but the thing is I’ve just found out that the college I want to go to is right next door to the top educational sixth form that Skye’s at. I NEVER in a million years expected anything like this to happen...not ever...i thought I'd never see him again..especially as his private boy's school had a sixth form.

If I go to this college then I will definitely bump into him but the thing is I think I would die of shame. I feel like a complete freak.

he's studying 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits) because of the fact that I have failed all my exams. My problem is that I still really love Ian but

He'll NEVER EVER IN A MILLION BILLION YEARS be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever---and I’m not!

I'll have to go on an ENTRY level course

but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out I’m on an Entry level course, he’ll NEVER EVER be interested in me now.

Also it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.So I cannot run away from this problem.(i cannot believe that I never tjought about this years ago....but i just was panicking and not thinking ahead...i never thought of a day 6 years into the future)

If I ignore Skye when i see him then he'll think I'm not interested i him--, (when I am…and it would break my heart to do this) But if I talk to him then he'll NEVER like me anyway…. when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person for refusing to go to school. because he'll ask about my life and i'll have to explain what I did

The thing is (and I really need your help on this) HOW ON EARTH DO I EXAIIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL--AND WORST OF ALL WHY? HE'LL THINK I’M A TERRIBLE I have two options:to ignore him and lose him or to talk to him ….but I’ll lose him anyway once I’ve explained my situation! It’s hopeless!

What should I do about all this? What should I do about him? :?:

Also I really need to ask you: What could/should i have done when I first started high school and got seperated from/lost Skye? How could I have held on to him? please be honest. what things could I have tried to hold on to him? : it's just i loved him so much.

I did try to hold onto him....my dad found Skye's address on the computer and I decided to write to Skye and ask him if he'd go out ith me. I also sent him Valentine's cards ....but I recieved no reply. Why do you think this was? My dad said maybe he wasn't allowed as he was so young (he also went to an all boy's school)....i thought it may have been because he didn't like me. but a few weeks after i sent him a valentine's card I decided to visit my old primary school...and a few days after I visit ...Skye visits the primary school..and smiles at my sister who is a pupil there. I am at this point VERY confused as to whether he likes me or not. I panicked and I was trying so hard to hold on to Skye that i could not get on with my life (and also didn't know how to get on with my life....becase i couldn't bear the horrible truth that I had lost Skye...because i loved him and found it IMPOSSIBLE to let go of him....especiakly as I found out that he liked me back...but probably not to the extent that i liked him) I wrote to him a few times,first asking him out as a friend..then on a date type thing.....but i never recieved any form of reply...also i sent him a Valentine's card every year for my first 2 years in high school. But after that........i just couldn't think what to do anymore...and no-body gave me any advice/told me what to do aout Skye/or said how i could possibly be with him in the future. so i just gave up......and shut it all out of my head...and pretended it wasn't happening...that I wasn't losing Skye.....I lapsed into SERIOUS depression....there were days when i felt so depressed that I couldn't get up in the mornings. I stayed in this state for about 2/3 years (this was when i had the home tuition because I couldn't cope with school/life in general) and I sat my GCSEs...failed them (was still in denail over losing Skye so didn't at the time care much about grades asi didn't want a future without him) then .....now have sat at home for the past 2 years doing nothing as i have still been in denial over losing Skye....and also haven't had any guidance from anyone. But now i am 18 and HAVE to do something with my lfe before i get to old to go to college.

I just need to ask you : what COULD/SHOULD i have done back when i started higj school and got seperated ftom Skye? How could I have held on to him? How should I have handled the situation? What do you think? How could/should i have gone about holding onto him? Or was there NOTHING and i mean NOTHING that i could have done to hold on to him back then ? ...and if so then should I have just let him go:( ? PLEASE be honest with me.How should I have gone about holding on to him? Because what i tried didn't work....it wasn't a good enough plan. But i just wondered if you knew what i COULD have done to hold onto him?

What should I have done about him back then?

xx_tinaUK_xx · **Posted:** Tue Oct 24, 2006 4:31 pm

Being ashamed of it will not help, it is best to admit to a mistake and then carry on with life. At least that way you would have been honest with yourself and he may appreciate you being honest and strong.

Tina
xxxx

What SHOULD I have done back then?

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