My Husband and I will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary in about a week. We dated for about 5 years before marrying and lived together 2 out of those 5 years. The first time I realized my H looked at porn was while we were dating and I walked in on him once. It was early in the relationship, we were both embarassed and really didn't discuss it. About a year later, I helped him move and noticed a couple of porn magazines as well as some photos. I threw them away. I caught him watching a video once with we lived together pre-marriage. I wasn't thrilled, but I an not anti masterbation, at all. I masterbate on occasion and have no problem with him doing so as well. I was just a bit concerned about the secrecy.



Shortly after we married I found some magazines. I was surpised at the hard core nature of the magazines. I threw them out and we talked about my feelings towards porn and the hiding of it. About a year later I found two more hard core magazines. Things then died down.
Until around before Christmas this year. At that time, I awoke at night and found him watching a DVD. He tried to deny it and cover it up, but it was pretty obvious and the truth came out.
His simple response was "men like porn."
In April, I had a feeling it was going on. I found numerous DVDs, then I found magazines (hidden in his car - under the spare tire compartment, hidden away in the basement, hidden in his closet). These are not playboy magazines. They are much more hard core material. I confronted him and we really had it out. He wrote me a letter of apology and stated he "was developing a dirty addiction to porn."
I became obsessed and completely overwhelmed with searching the house for the porn. I would search his car and tear through the house every second I had free.
Finally, I decided we needed counseling. We went to a place which basically just referred us elsewhere. Then we had an initial contact with a therapist who said we needed individual therapy. It took weeks to get together and then my H went (quite begrudgingly) and didn't really connect with the therapist. Therapy fell through and I don't see that changing for us in the near furture. We are extremely busy and have little extra money. My H has never been a therapy person and it really didn't seem to help him.
But then things died down. It seemed as if he was making a real effort and we were getting better. I searched numerous times and did not find anything. About 3 weeks to a month passed by well. H got a new job and was working long hours. I felt that he was busier and had less free time. And also that he felt better about himself.
But then, yesterday I looked in his car, and found a DVD hidden inside. It was really devastating. I confronted him and he barely spoke. He said "sorry" and once again he said "guys like porn." He gave me little explanation, said he felt bad that I was hurt.
I felt like this was his second chance. I've tried to be so open - I've asked all the questions about - is it me? is it our sex life? - do you want to try something different?
He always answers that he is happy with me and our sex life. He cannot give me a reason for the porn use. Other than that guys enjoy pornography and that he just does it.
It had really gotten out of control and my fear is that it will escalate again. I am also really betrayed by the hiding and secrecy of his porn use.
I don't think it's a sexual libido issue. I am usually up for sex and often initiate sex. In fact, I probably initiate it more often than he does.
I've straight asked him if marriage may not be right for him or maybe he is not happy married to me. He denies this.
I am however, starting to wonder if I should go. I am 28 yrs old and we have no children yet. I've been wanting a baby, but lately am really considering leaving my marriage.
I don't know if I can live without being able to trust him. I can't take feeling like I have to search for things. And almost every time I feel like I have to search - I find something.
Please help me anyone. I am so isolated right now and it's really hard to talk about this with anyone.
I think it may be time for me to just end this...

well cassiday,

read your post and it really struck at cord, i've been married almost 20years, and about 8 years ago i found out my husband had porn magazines and once we got a computer he began looking on the web and i too was pissed and disappointed,. i must tell you, it still is a problems at times. and my husband says the same thing, men just look at porn. but i beg to differ. i think our soceity makes it okay for the men to look at eye candy. i wish i had some words of wisdom. you have to decide is it worth fighting the battle over???

I say get out of it before it's too late. I know it's not that easy, but the excuse of 'men like porn' does not take into consideration how all of his makes you feel. I'm living with my boyfriend of 2 years. Before we moved in, I found some porn and freaked. I told him how porn makes me feel and that if I find it when we live together, I'm leaving him.

Ofcourse, that didn't stop him. I found over 500 pictures of naked girls on our computer. I confronted him and he got rid of them. He promoised not to do it again, but (as you know) words are cheap.

I haven't found anything yet, but that betrayl is enough. I'm younger than him (he's 28 and I'm 22), smarter and better than a consilation prize.

So are you.