My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9.5 monthes now (some of the time was long distance, because I had to move to Idaho for a bit and he lives in Oregon) My problem is this, he and his ex girlfriend dated for 2 years, I didnt know him or anything about him (he lived in northern oregon, I lived in southern washington) I met him when he played a show and we started dating after a bit. I soon started hanging out with him on weekends and that was our relationship (I was in my last year of high school, he was out because he's a year older than I) Anyways he told me the background of he and his girlfriend and why they broke up, that was that. My problem is this.....he still keeps pictures of her out on his coffee table. And the bear she gave him....they remained friends which at first I was a little skeptical because I had a boyfriend that cheated on me with his ex when they were "just freinds" but I began to trust him and didnt mind. To this day though she calls him up and has him run errands for her and stuff, I love this guy with all i've got i've never felt like this with a guy, so it makes me really sad when I see how much he's holding on to the past. I'm almost 19 years old....so I know i'm still young and naieve....which is why I need advice, why do guys feel the need to cateor to their ex's? I have not once kept things from my ex's, nor do I keep in contact with them.....someone help?

Dear Savannah

I hear this problem a lot, and it's definitely a touchy subject. There are many kinds of break ups, some choose to delete all contact with their ex, some remain friends. Your worries have warrant but aren't necessarily worth pursuing. A lot of people like to stay friends with their ex's after the relationship turns sour, in a two year relationship your often not just lovers, but great friends. When things can no longer work out, after all of your differences have been settled and forgotten. People sometimes choose to revert back to good friends, it's a natural thing to do.

A good rule to live by in relationships is to treat them all as fresh. Just because someone in the past cheated on you with an ex doesn't mean they all will. We're all different and unique in which case we should all be treated as new.

So he keeps some of her old things around, he may just be the nostalgic type. To remember good times is fine, it's only a problem if he still yearns for the times as well. Be cautious but polite, try explaining to him how it makes you feel. Pay attention to the details, he keeps a picture of her on his table, does he have one of you? When he does favors for her, does it interrupt your time together? It's hard seeing someone you love, share their time with someone else. Just make sure your fears are 100% justified and your not just being paranoid. If the situation is getting out of hand tell him things have got to change, or the relationship may not be able to continue. You don't want to find yourself slowly resenting him behind his back for things he wasn't aware bothered you as much as they do. Communication is key.

Best of luck,

Let Me Know How it Works out, forum@lovesickfools.com

I'd say no on the pictures of the old g/f. She's not his sister. No reason to have a picture out. Don't think he'd like it if you had pix of an ex as part of your decor. In a drawer, fine. Out in view...problemo.

Exactly...thank you, I was worried that I was being over sensetive about it, but he had them sitting on his coffee table in plain sight. Anyways after I shed a few tears and he realized how much it hurt that he had them out he put them away (the reason they were there is because he's super lazy and never got around to moving them) which I believe because my boyfriend is super lazy. Anyways things are fine now, thanks to both of you for commenting and reading....all my love

-Savannah