You are here: Home > Dating Advice Columnists > Ask Dr. Neil > A Funny Thing Happened

A Funny Thing Happened

© Dr. Neil Friedman

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE COLUMN....

Astute readers have noticed that there has been no column for about a week.

What happened?

A funny thing happened on the way to the column.....

Dr, Neil fell in love!

(This column is being written today by Neil Friedman, not his alter ego Dr. Neil. Friedman will comment upon Dr. Neil's newfound love.)

Yes, it can even happen to an internet columnist! No one is immune.

This means, as far as I can tell, that there will be a change in the nature of some of Dr. Neil's columns. He will be less preachy and more experiential, and I for one am glad of it!

For it is all too easy to be didactic and glib about "what love is'. It is something more to say something about what it is right now for the person writing (or, at least, his alter ego).

So...what does Dr. Neil have to say about "love" now?

"Love is about SHOWING UP, BEING PRESENT, and SAYING 'YES'".

Let me elaborate for Dr. Neil.

SHOWING UP - To love one has to get there, to be there. If Dr. Neil had not been there in Fitchburg to meet her, this all could not have happened. One must show up. Where one shows up matters too. If one shows up on state mental hospital steps, one will most probably meet state mental hospital residents. Some of them may be the best people in the world. But is that the place where one wants to go fishing? Fish where the salmon are spawning.

BEING PRESENT - Dr, Neil was not just there; he was all there. With all of himself. Every fiber of his being was present and accounted for. (Okay, maybe not every single fiber...) But he was not partialed out, divided, distracted, disassociated. He was not remembering past failures or predicting future losses. he was in the immediate present which was drenched with the experiencing of the now. All signals were go.

SAYING YES - For love to work and to be mutual, the parties involved need to say yes to each other and keep saying yes. There needs to be a mutual affirmation of the relationship and its moving forward. As Woody Allen said so well in Annie Hall, a relationship is like a shark. It either keeps moving forward or it dies. At various choice points the two in the couple need to keep taking the fork in the road marked 'yes' rather than the one marked "no'.

Well, maybe that was not as clear as it all could have been. This is the first time I have done this -i.e., written Dr. Neil's column for him. But I may continue now and then so as to give readers more of the up to date feel for what love is like.

It is not too wordy and articulate, as we can see today! But it is one hell of a lot of fun!

Many blessings
Dr. Neil

About the Author
Relationship questions? Everyone has them. Most are afraid to ask them. Thus is the beauty of the Internet. With complete anonymity, both men and women can ask everything they ever wanted to know about sex, dating, marriage, divorce, or relationships-but were always too afraid to ask. But who is there to answer?

Luckily, therapist, lecturer, and author Dr. Neil Friedman has answered over 1,000 of these probing relationship questions in his popular "Ask Dr. Neil" column at www.Relationship-Talk.com. Handling everything from sex to communication to endings and affairs, Dr. Neil responds sensitively and knowledgeably to his devoted fans and newbies alike.