For Women: How to Ask Men Out
© Dr. Neil Friedman
This week's column is especially for women. (But men can read it too:) Women - ASK MEN OUT.
We all know about the double standard. We all know about the traditional roles into which males and females get socialized.
But have you thought at all about the burden that men carry in this society?
We have to be the initiators. We have to ask women out. We have to pop the question. We have to make the first move. We have to put ourselves out there on the limb first.
Do you have any idea what a burden that all is? What a burden of responsibility? What a burden of risk-taking? What a burden that may not fit our individual personalities?
For, let's face it: some men are shy. Some men are socially awkward. Some men seek safety. Some men don't want to go first. Some men are insecure. And some men would just like to see the tables turned once in a while.
So...women...strike a blow for gender equality and learn what may be a new skill. The skill of asking a man out.
I have given this advice to women of various ages. A fifteen year-old asked how to find out whether a boy in her history class liked her and would ask her out. I suggested that she send him a note and ask those questions of him. A twenty-one year old found herself having "more than best friend feelings" for her best guy friend. I advised her to say to him something like, "I really value our friendship and would not want to do anything to harm it...but I find myself having more than best friend feelings - romantic feelings - for you...and wondered if you had any like that for me?" I recommended to a fifty-one year old woman who liked someone that she has met at a singles function that she go up and ask him to dance and at the end of the dance let him know that she would be open to his asking her out.
There may be a small percentage of macho guys who will not respond to a woman's advances. But the percentage is small, and you would not want to go out with them anyway! And practice at having your advances unrequited is good for women. Men have been having it for centuries!
So...women of the world...ask men out! You have nothing to lose but your right to sit around and wait..and wait...and wait....and....
Relationship questions? Everyone has them. Most are afraid to ask them. Thus is the beauty of the Internet. With complete anonymity, both men and women can ask everything they ever wanted to know about sex, dating, marriage, divorce, or relationships-but were always too afraid to ask. But who is there to answer?
Luckily, therapist, lecturer, and author Dr. Neil Friedman has answered over 1,000 of these probing relationship questions in his popular "Ask Dr. Neil" column at www.Relationship-Talk.com. Handling everything from sex to communication to endings and affairs, Dr. Neil responds sensitively and knowledgeably to his devoted fans and newbies alike.