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Why So Many Relationships?

© Dr. Dennis Neder

Hi Dennis,

I read your books, and like their practicality. I have one question of theoretical nature: why is it that woman usually do have had more previous relationships than men, although they are 'supposed' to be the more monogamous gender? Are they just trying a lot more short-term relationships? As you said, men usually focus on one at a time. This seems counter-intuitive to me as I understand woman.

Along the line, you mentioned their 'monkey-like' 'tree-hopping'; quickly moving on to the next relationship; again counter-intuitive to me what else I know about women. Could you please explain?


Hello!

Thanks for the comments on the book and for your support! We're constantly getting great reviews and if you'll excuse my arrogance, I've never seen a more complete, practical guide about dating, sex and relationships anywhere else!

I know exactly what you're asking here - and you're right on the damn money! This DOES seem counter-intuitive! In fact, there are a number of reasons why it's true:

• Women have more opportunities than men.
  More men approach women than the other way around. Thus, women have more access to relationships than men do. All a woman has to do is say "yes" - she doesn't have to approach anyone or risk getting rejected.
  
  
• They comfortably overlap relationships.
  As you pointed out from the book, women will rarely leave one relationship without having another firmly in place. Thus, as a relationship starts to wither, they will actually seek out another - even if it's not exactly what they want. They might not call this a "relationship", (even though it is) and they honestly think they're just being "strategic".
  
  
• Women define themselves by their relationships unlike us guys that define ourselves by our careers.
  Women are under much more self-inflicted pressure to be in relationships. When they're not, they believe they're "losers" and something is wrong with them. Thus, they'll easily move between multiple relationships in trying to find one they want to be in. This causes problems of course in that many women lie about dating multiple men, but as you also know, women are far better liars than men are for this very reason - they have to be!
  
  
• Women will define even minor dating experiences as "relationships" whereas guys don't do this.
  When women start dating a guy, they instantly think of themselves as already "with" him. They imagine how their names will look with his last name on a wedding invitation, or how it would be to be addressed as "Mrs. Whatever", etc. Thus, this very act solidifies the relationship in their minds.
  
  This also leads to some nasty breakups where women build the fantasy only later to find out it wasn't true - and they blame the guy for it! Women don't even know they're doing this to themselves!
  
  
• Women also define their male friendships as "relationships".
  Many women have guys hanging around them and actually collect these "friends". They intuitively know that these guys only hang around them because they want something more, but since the women control how far things go, they're not motivated to prevent it in the first place. They see this as "gaining experience" or "studying men" and actually believe that these horny guys represent a cross section of most men.
  
  You and I know they don't, but this is exactly where the idea that "men are dogs" comes from - these guys that are always ready to hump their legs!
  
  By the way, as I mention in the book, women won't admit to the real number of relationships they've had! Thus, when a woman tells you that she's had "2" or "3" or whatever, multiply that by at least 2 - and you're still probably short!
  
  

Best regards...



About the Author
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.