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What's Her Problem?

By: Dr. Dennis Neder

I met this girl online about 6 weeks ago and we clicked right away. We talked via the phone and internet for hours at a time almost every night. We even had live video sessions with each other so when she moved back into the area we met up face to face and she seemed to be interested in me. She even kissed me pretty heavily and told me to call her. So everything was going good - or so I thought.

I called her later and she asked me if she scared me off and I said no so she asked me what I was doing the next night and I said nothing so I made plans to get together with her again and she said it was all good. I called her after work the next day to ask her when it would be a good time and she said she didn't know and she would get back to me later. I never heard from her again.

I tried calling her all weekend and kept getting her voicemail and no returned calls until Sunday night when she finally called and said she went away for the weekend. I asked her why she just didn't tell me she said "the battery on my phone was broke." Then I asked why she didn't just use a land line then? She said I didn't want to call without knowing if I called first. I thought that sounded logical.

We got together a couple of days later and she seemed she only wanted me around to do things for her. She said she still really liked me, but ever since I moved her stuff to her parent's house last Sunday she's completely ignoring me. Now, she won't answer the phone or my emails. I know because the site tells me when they've been read.

So what's her problem?

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Hello!

Her problem is the Internet.

This sort of problem is becoming an epidemic! 20 years ago, you'd almost never heard of girls that wouldn't return phone calls or answer their phones. This was (and still is by the way) considered the height of rudeness. However, having met on the Internet, there's a totally different mindset that many women have.

The Internet acts as a filter. You're not really becoming interested in the person at all (although it really seems like it.) Instead, you're falling for the IMPRESSION that the person gives you!

Consider this: when you and she first starting writing to each other, you had all the time in the world to really craft your responses to each other. You could consider every other message you received to try to determine what responses would put you in the best light with her. She did too.

Even the telephone works like this, but not to the same degree. You become a "real person" when you're right there with someone. However, if that person's first impression of you is electronic, you never really get this advantage.

Worse yet, without being face-to-face, you miss tons of subtle cues that you'd otherwise pick up. Even if you hear something that makes you question what she's say, she can just say, "Oh, you misunderstood me" and this is near-impossible to argue. You can't really do that in person because it's obvious when someone is lying.

By spending hours at a time on the phone, you actually shot yourself in the foot by trying to hold your dates there. That means that you've missed all sorts of personal information you'd otherwise have to work with. She is NOT the same person you thought she was originally; even though it really seems "real" it is not.

The Internet has caused her to feel subconsciously that since she doesn't really "know" you (as she would have if you'd met in person), she doesn't owe you much courtesy, respect or politeness. She instead, came to see you as someone that could help her do a few things, she got what she wanted and now she's trying to blow you off because she's likely on to some other "Internet fool".

Sorry to tell you this John, but you've been had. It's time to move on and avoid these mistakes in the future.

Best regards...





Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.

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