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Turn Her into a "Social Butterfly"

© Dr. Dennis Neder

Hey Doc:

I've been dating someone recently and am really starting to like her. Unfortunately due to our different work schedules we have been limited to what we do however my schedule has begun to open up a bit and I would like to spend more time with her.

The difficulty is that she seems to be REALLY antisocial, more than I had thought. I'm trying to make our time together more interesting and have been suggesting multiple things that we can do but every time I suggest something she shuts it down in one way or another. I'm running out of things to do besides from watching movies and going to dinner with her.

This is the first girl I've ever dated and I figured when I finally met someone that my free time would become more interesting, not more boring.

Any suggestions on how to crack her shell and turn her into a social butterfly?

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Hello!

Actually, your answer is the same answer I give people where one partner starts to withdraw from (or withhold) sex!

You should explain to her that you've been comfortable and happy with giving her what she needed, but now you expect her to meet you half way. You need to be out among other people and to have fun - more than just sitting at home with a movie.

I don't know why she's so antisocial, but frankly, it doesn't matter. She's missing some great parts of life with that attitude!

So, I suggest you do this: sit her down and explain (with examples) of how you've met her antisocial needs, but expect her to invest in your needs too. Explain that you want to go out and even tell her what you want to do. If she's not willing to do these things, explain that while you understand, it doesn't change your needs so you're going to have to find someone else to do these things with!

She's going to have to understand and be accepting of it. She on the other hand should not be given the same right however! You're always there to go out with her if she wants - it's she that isn't doing this for you!

Of course, when you're out with someone else, she runs the risk of losing you to that other person that's more fun; but then, those are the potential risks of her choices.

Since this is your first relationship, I'll give you an important point: never compromise your life, your wants or your needs for someone else. That's a waste of BOTH people's time. There has to be compromises and a commensurate give-and-take, or there's nothing to work with in the first place.

Best regards...



About the Author
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.