Dealing With The Self-Centered Guy
© Dr. Dennis Neder
I've been dating a guy exclusively for about two months. We like each other very much, and have a great time when we're together. The first few weeks that we were together, I felt that he was perfect, because he has all the qualities I look for in a man.
Recently, however, there have been a few things that have begun to bother me. When just the two of us go out, he tends to talk a lot about himself (i.e.; work, things that have happened to him). He does ask me a few things, like how my day went, and I tell him, but inevitably the discussion gets back to him. He does seem interested when I bring up things about myself, but rarely inquires.
I'm afraid that it might mean that he's not interested in learning more about me, or else he's self-centered, or else that's just his personality, and he genuinely doesn't realize that it's offensive. This may be the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I also feel that the relationship kind of revolves around him, and is about yielding to his needs/wants. I mean, it's not that I want it to revolve around me, but I feel like it's more about making sure he's happy. For example, a friend gave him a swimsuit calendar for his birthday, and I told him that it bothered me, since we were dating why did he need to look at half-naked women. He insisted on keeping it, telling me that it was the principle of it, that if he got rid of it because of me it would "infringe on his sovereignty."
I guess what he means is that he doesn't want me to be the annoying girlfriend who dictates what her boyfriend can and can't do, but the thing is, I'm really not like that at all, and don't care what he does or who he hangs out with, I'm just happy being with him.
I wonder if it's normal guy stuff, and I should just put up with it, or is he just being too demanding.
What do you think?
To begin with, let's talk about the calendar. Having a calendar around that has half-naked, or even naked women is absolutely not threat to you and you need to get over that entirely. In fact, even if he looks at porn, you need to realize that as long as it doesn't affect his relationship with you it's absolutely, 100% ok. You see, he's there with you, not with the women in the calendar.
Now, on to his self-centeredness. Man! Do I see this a lot! Women go after these guys that are self-confident, directed and focused, and then they complain when they get them! My dear, he didn't just become this guy - he was just like this when you met him. In fact, I'll bet that was what attracted you to him in the first place!
On the other hand, that doesn't mean that you have to live with things like this. You need to have a discussion with him about it. Simply explain to him that you love talking to him and being involved with his life, but you want the same in return. Tell him that you don't feel that he gives you equal audience and that while you don't want to dominate the relationship, you want to feel like an equal partner. If he cares about the relationship, and about you, he will be very interested in making things right.
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!
Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.