Help! I Lied to My Girlfriend!
© Dr. Dennis Neder
My girlfriend of two years sent me a nice email while I was working. I saw it, read it, and then did not respond as I wanted to get back to work and didn't think anything of it. When I finished working, she had texted me asking why I had not responded. I told her that I had just read it, and that it was nice. She had looked in my email (to make sure it had sent) and saw that I had read it many hours before. She confronted me on it and told me that it is hard for her to trust people, and that she doesn't know if she can trust me any more.
I feel terrible and apologized many times, but am not sure what else I can do. Any ideas? Thanks!
Wait a minute here. First of all, what in the hell is she doing going through your email??? That is your PRIVATE email and she has no business going through it any more than you have going through hers. Change your password right now!
Second, you lied to her? Big fucking deal! Do you honestly think she hasn't lied to you? Come on already! Here's the reality: EVERYONE, BUT EVERYONE lies. It's an ingrained part of our communication systems. EVERYONE does it! Anyone that claims they don't is a damn liar!
For her to try to hold you to some unreasonable standard as to have to make up for her feelings being hurt by someone else is pure rubbish - made only the worse by you accepting such a ridiculous responsibility! You're not her therapist; you're her boyfriend, (right?)
You've already apologized and that's that. Now, you need to go to her and ask her what in the fuck she's doing checking up on you and what you say. You were busy - that's it! It's not a big deal and you simply tried to find the most expedient way to deal with the issue which was to lie. BIG FUCKING DEAL! Nobody died. Nobody was sent to jail. Nobody's Christmas was ruined. Sheesh!
Tell her to let it go already and that you're not going to be responsible for making up for all the hurts of her past. If that's what she's looking for - total and complete honesty - she's going to wind up being one very sad, very lonely lady.
And YOU stop being such a pussy and putting up with all of this nonsense! It's time to man-up here my brother. Stop feeling terrible and stop apologizing or you're going to lose this girl. She needs your strength, not your weakness and guilt.
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!
Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.