There's this girl at school who is a real knockout. She and I really hit it off, and I want to ask her out on a date. I've given that up now however. There's another guy that's really good looking and smooth that's been spending time with her.
I used to be quite close with her, and now it feels like he's taken her away from me, and I'm too shy to compete with this guy.
Is there anything I can do?
Hello!
If you're too shy, then just lie down, do nothing, and be alone the rest of your life.
My brother, I fully understand how you feel, but you aren't going to use the "shy guy" crap with me. I know how much anxiety this can give you, but you're just going to have to get over it as it's going to affect you the rest of your life negatively if you don't.
The good news is that you CAN get over it! You're don't have to be shy the rest of your life and just suffer with whatever life gives you. You can actually take what you want, (and leave the rest to the other "shy guys" out there!)
You do this by getting yourself educated. I suggest that you read my book as a very good start. In addition, decide right now that you're not going to use being shy as an excuse any more. Just stop it. It's time to grow up and be a man. If you're not sure how to do this, that's ok - that's what the education will give you. But, don't let that stop you either.
Find a "role model" whose persona you can adopt. I like James Bond or Tom Cruise's character in "Top Gun". These are great models to follow. Then, fake it until you make it!
Just because this guy has already taken the first step doesn't mean that you're out. After all, it's HER decision - not his! Just go up to her and say, "You know, we need to spend some time together and get to know each other. Let's have coffee this week. How's either Thursday or Saturday?"
Believe me my brother - it really IS that simple! Take a few small steps, get a few successes and watch your confidence level soar!
Good luck, much love...
Dr. Dennis Neder, Relationship Author & Columnist
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!
Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.