"Faked Confidence" Revisited Again
© Dr. Dennis Neder
My girlfriend says she loves me and I am "the only one". But when we go to a bar she has to flirt, hug, and make passes at every man in the bar. She goes way to far and men get the wrong idea. Most of these are men she does not know, and a few she does. She says it is all in fun but it has caused a lot of fights (nothing physical).
Any thoughts would be helpful. Thank you.
This woman is a classic "Attention Whore" (AW). In fact, this situation (flirting with other guys at a bar) is an exact situation I deal with in my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World"!
You get upset - and rightfully so - because it is disrespectful of you. When she with you (probably with you paying the bill!), you deserve 100% of her attention. Of course, you're trying to be the "bigger man" by not getting jealous, but frankly, the problem isn't hers - it yours!
Here's what you need to do: first, go get your testicles back from her purse. Stand up for yourself and BE A MAN! You don't deserve to be treated like this, and this woman is an abuser. Worse yet, you're letting her treat you this way! My brother, she may not have any manners, but what's worse? Her actions, or you letting her actions happen?
Second, the very next time she does this, just walk right up to the guy, (with her there so she can hear everything) and say to him, "Hey - would you like to take her home? She's available because I'm leaving." Then, turn and walk right out the door without saying another word. She's going to follow you like a lost puppy!
Next, she's going to feign some sort of anger - don't worry it's part of this thing I call "The Test". DO NOT react to it or you will have lost! Simply say to her, "Look, when you're with me, I deserve and expect your complete attention. I won't settle for anything less from you - no options. If that doesn't work for you, just let me know and I'll find someone with better manners that is worth my attention."
Strong? You bet! That's the point. This is a classic "Test" you hear me talk about so often. Believe me, I talk to women all the time and they keep telling me the same things: they want a man that knows what he wants - in his life, and in his relationships - and is willing to make things that way. Do you want to be this guy? Just handle this Test once and for all.
I strongly suggest that you pick up a copy of my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", and commit it to memory. Sorry for the plug, but you NEED this information very badly, or you're just going to continue to get Tests and more abuse. The problem here isn't just HER actions; it's YOUR philosophy. No woman I ever date would dare treat me like that. And believe me, they treat me very, VERY well. By the way, I don't treat women poorly, and neither should you. But, you should never tolerate ANYONE treating YOU badly - especially your girlfriend!
If you want to have the best relationship you've ever imagined - one where she adores and respects you, can't want to see you, be with you, etc., just get these Tests handled. You deserve no less!
Good luck, much love...
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!
Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.