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Did My Compliment Make Him a Lost Cause?

© Dr. Dennis Neder

Hi Dennis,

I like this guy. He's one of those really hot guys that every girl likes and he knows it and he seems stuck up and conceited about it. He knows all the women want him and definitely knows he's hot stuff but all the times I have talked to him he seems nice.

So today I saw him and saw that his beard had grown. So I pointed it out and said "you have a beard!" and he said "yeah I have had a lot of exams so I haven't been shaving, that's why I look like this." I playfully punched him and murmured in his ear "you always look good" in that tone, if you know what I mean.

He just said "oooooooooooook"

Hmmm. Ok. Does that mean I shouldn't have complimented him at all? Should I forget about him because it's a lost cause now?


Hello!

I wouldn't say you shouldn't bother with him, but your comment definitely caught him off guard.

This is something I tell my students all the time: You have to pick your targets carefully. Many men will see any girl and just walk up to her and give her some dumb line like, "You really look hot in those torn sweats!" Obvious, she doesn't feel hot and she knows it's a line.

This guy obviously didn't feel hot so you walked up and complimented him when he obviously wasn't in a vein to be complimented. Frankly, that was pretty dumb - you didn't listen to him! He told you he wasn't trying to make a statement with his beard and that he just didn't have the time to shave, so what do you do? You compliment his looks!

He didn't take it as a compliment at all, but that doesn't mean you don't have a chance with him. The difference now however is that you're going to have to work a little harder since he probably thinks you were making fun of him.

I suggest you just go ask him out to celebrate being over with finals or something. Don't talk about his looks - especially if he's attractive! This is another mistake that guys make all the time (you're not a guy are you?) He had little to do with his looks - he got those from his parents. If you have to compliment him, do it on something he's DONE or SAID rather than something he had nothing to do with. Even better, just avoid the compliments until he knows you're sincere about them - when you're actually dating him.

Best regards...



About the Author
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

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