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Dealing with Rejection

© Dr. Dennis Neder

Hi Dennis,

What is the best way to deal with rejection (in all forms and scales) when interacting with women? I think if anyone (male or female) can master this one area they would be able to attract much more meaningful relationships into their lives. I see the reaction to rejection as the best window of insight of a person's true self. If you could give me some light in the area of dealing with rejection from women I would be most enlightened :)


Hello!

In any battle, I always recommend that you begin with superior firepower. If she brings a slingshot, bring a sword. If she brings a handgun, bring a shotgun. If she brings an Uzi, have a Sherman tank at the ready. Landmind? Cruise-missle.

First of all, what exactly do you mean by "rejection". Here's the reality: women will rarely out-right reject you! In fact, women are far, far more likely to redirect you instead. Men too by the way.

"Let's just be friends" or "I don't see you that way" or not answering the phone are examples of this. Very few women are just going to say "No, I'm not interested." In fact, I wish that weren't the case. It'd be so much easier if women WOULD just plain reject you!

On the flip side, there is so much you can to do NOT get any form of rejection anyway. Consider that your approach is everything. From getting digits to setting the first date to converting to sex and relationships, every aspect of this game has rules and you can use to move things forward. Interestingly, women respond very well to these things too. I've seen guys that would otherwise never get the time of day start long-term relationships with girls you'd consider out of their leagues and so have you.

I agee with you on this: if anyone could get over their fear of rejection they'd never have to worry about it and would start getting out there and meeting great partners. Most guys (and even girls!) actually fill their minds with this useless belief and it stiffles them from actually meeting someone.

With many people, this is where I have to start - fixing their mistaken belief that people will actually reject them. That's not always easy to do for some people because they've built it up into something that they actually believe they've "earned". No shit! It's very difficult to get some guys to understand that no, they didn't earn it, they've simply manifested it through their own minds, seeing and believing something that just wasn't true.

Here's a great little trick I teach my students to get past this fear. It's call the "20 no's".

I give my fearful students the task of going out over the next 2 weeks and actually meeting enough women to get 20 no's from them. Some of them actually laugh and say, "Well, that's not going to take me 2 weeks!"

Then, they come back as changed men. Here's why: as special as you are Jim - or any guy is - you're not so special as to fail every single time! Thus, even if you totally blow it, you're still going to walk away with 5-7 phone numbers!

Now, what do you think is going to happen to your self-image if you have 5 phone numbers you need to call back next weekend for your first date?

Best regards...

About the Author
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.