I met a nice girl, she is funny, smart and all that I'm looking for in a relationship. When I started talking to her, she told me that she was looking for new friends because the other friends she had would smother her and just try to get in her pants. I invited her over my house for a football party. All of my friends knew that I liked her and I thought she knew also. I told myself that I'm not going to smother her just to let her do what she feels is right.
Three days passed and I found out that one of my close friends was going behind my back, telling her all kinds of lies just to get in her pants. I saw them talking a lot and he was drunk but I let them talk because I said to myself, "That's my friend and he's drunk and he already has a girl and, she can handle herself."
The next weekend and we were all supposed to go out 4-wheeling and I couldn't make it. Since I wasn't there he tried to get with her some more. She soon found out what he was trying to do to her and she told him to leave her alone and then found out from everyone else that he was making up lies about me.
We both sat down and talked about everything and it was all better but she feels like she caused all this to happen. Now, when she hangs out with me everything is ok but when everyone is over she gets quiet, depressed and upset all the time because she likes me and I like her but she doesn't want everyone to think less of her and talk about her as if she did something.
I don't want to loose her and I've talked to all of my friends and everyone but her knows that she didn't do anything wrong and they aren't going to think less of her. All of my friends like her and their girlfriends like her too. I just don't know how to make her understand that it's not her fault so she could be back to herself.
Hello!
You know, this sounds like a classic attention grab by this girl! I know you don't see it this way, but trust me, it's absolutely textbook!
First, let's talk about this "friend". If you really consider this guy a friend, you're making a huge mistake. I don't care how drunk this guy was. There's a rule: "Bro's before ho's" and it applies here. If he had any knowledge that you were interested in this girl, he had no business hitting on her and if he were part of my crew, we'd all kick his ass to the curb and that would be the end of it. This guy is no friend of yours, trust me. He's out just for himself, not his bro's.
With this girl however, she just set everything up nicely. She's trying to control things to the degree that you're no longer even able to make a play for her. She's given you all this crap about guys trying to get into her panties - well d'uh!!! So what? Are you telling me that if she met Brad Pitt she wouldn't be trying to get into his jeans?
So, here you sit with her having set all the rules. She comes over and you can't do anything to move things forward because SHE'S given you all these rules - and even proven it by turning down your friend and creating all this drama between you all. She must be some kind of master at all of this.
Really dude, what the hell do you want here? Are you looking for a female friend or something more? Letting her hang around your friends just enforces that friendship between you and she. She's not going to just see what a great guy you are and fall head over heals for you. She totally set you up here and you just fell for it, proving to her that you're not "boyfriend material".
As far as making her understanding this crap about not being her fault - in fact, it was ENTIRELY her fault!! Why are you giving her such a pass? Because she has a vagina? If she had wanted to shut him down, she could have done it in 2 seconds. Women are masters at this too. Come on - you'd never do that for any of your buddies (or maybe you would considering this loser "friend" of yours!)
Stop this madness already. Let her grow up and be an adult. You're not helping her by trying to ease all the tension. That's something she has to do herself. What you ARE doing in all of this is just proving to her why she shouldn't be interested in you.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder, Relationship Author & Columnist
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!
Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.
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Idol (Mona in my Eyes)
