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Being Single or Together - At a Distance

© Dr. Dennis Neder

My boyfriend and I have been dating about a year. We have a good relationship and we're both sure we want to continue moving forward. We live about 700 miles apart and see each other 1-2 times a month.

Here's the problem: my boyfriend has been single almost all of his adult life. He's enjoyed the typical bachelor life filled with women, travel, toys and being self centered. Now that we are a couple, he doesn't understand that his priorities need to change somewhat. He still enjoys hanging out with single women - often. He thinks I should be okay with this. I think he doesn't get the best of both worlds. He thinks that both of us should continue to socialize with singles of the other sex, as long as there is no sexual intimacy. I am of the belief that this is no longer appropriate. He needs to understand the guidelines of being in a couple versus being a single man. PLEASE HELP.


Hello!

Your boyfriend being single most of this life isn't the only problem. By far a worse problem is the distance. Melinda, these Long-Distance Relationships (LDR's) NEVER work out! This is a total and complete waste of your time!

Consider this: let's say that he up and decides that he doesn't want to tell you what he's doing, or that he says "I'm not going to hang around single women any more." Are you going to believe him? I sincerely doubt it. Why not? Simple: you can't possibly check up on him! There's no way for you to verify that he's telling you the truth or not - he's 700 miles away! More importantly, he knows this too.

Now, just what do you think that's going to do to your relationship? Ultimately, it's not going to end well.

The bottom line is that there's really not much you can do about this. If you insist on staying in this dumb LDR (even when there are TONS and TONS of great guys right there in your backyard), then, you're going to have to get comfortable with him dating - and likely sleeping with - other girls. Of course, he's also eventually going to meet someone in his own backyard that he can have a REAL relationship with - including sex - and you'll be out anyway.

Melinda, this is a really, really dumb idea from the git-go! If you want to know more about LDR's, go to my website: http://beingaman.tv and click on Videos. From there click on Self Help and watch the video on LDR's.

Best regards...



About the Author
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.