Why It's So Hard To Not Be A 'Nice Guy'?
© Dr. Dennis Neder
Oh, how easy it is for us to slip into "nice guy" mode! We have a natural tendency to want to be nice guys and even believe that this is exactly what women want from us. As you probably know, it's not. Then, why do we do this?
Let me tell you a little story (I'll keep it short):
Many years ago, I got my pilot's license. During that time I learned a very important lesson about flying: what you think is going on (because of your senses) is NOT what you ever want to use in actually flying a plane. Take the situation where you're flying "blind" such as in clouds. Your body tells you constantly that you're banking (turning) when in fact; your instruments say that you're flying straight and level. Add a little climb to this and the effect is dramatically increased. In order to be a successful pilot (that is, to "live") you have to get over the overwhelming desire to react to what you think you feel, and to rely in your instruments, believe them, trust then and do what they tell you to do.
So too it is with hunting women.
We have a natural, inborn tendency to try to be "nice guys" even though this is absolutely contrary to anything that really works with women! Most guy's greatest challenge is to break out of what they FEEL is right, and to start DOING what is right. We need to use the tools we have (such as BAM) in order to get past our natural tendencies and to be successful with women.
Look at the recent case of a friend of mine. He just wants to believe against all hope that somehow, because if "feels good"; that he can "will" women into sleeping with him, finding him attractive, etc. He wants to believe it so badly, that he'll actually spend tons of cash on it, and defend it to the end. Some "experts" pray on this simply because most guys want feel-good, quick-fix answers and the belief that they can control their outside world if they just want it badly enough or discover the "secret".
We here know that this doesn't work. Instead, we learn to rely on our instruments instead - and do what they tell us to do.
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!
Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.