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Asking a Guy Out

By: Dr. Dennis Neder

Hi Dennis,

I'm a single gal who (despite being very attractive) has not been on a date with a man in a year. I have exchanged numbers with several men during that time but none seem interested (mainly they were dating another girl already so I keep missing my chance.) I keep a very friendly, confident, positive attitude about life.

I went to the grocery store and ended up meeting this amazing guy in the sugar/pancake aisle. Tall, handsome, smart, nice personality...he seemed really cool. I came up behind him and started talking to him. He told me he was looking up the ingredients to make a certain drink. So we chatted a bit, turns out he is from London (great accent!) and is in the States in my city for about a year. He has a master's degree and is tutoring little kids.

We started talking and I told him I was a grad student getting my doctorate so I'd be here for about a year too. He said it was his first couple days in the states and we chatted for a while before both of us had to go. He asked for my number and said he would give me a call.

At the end, he said "it's always nice to meet new people since I came to a new country. It's always great to make a new friend."

Oh no! Am I in the friend zone? Or is he interested in me romantically?

Thanks!


Hello!

Being "very attractive"??? Says you! ;)

First off, when someone is dating someone else, that's not a good excuse for you to not be dating them. It's a *convenient* excuse, but not a good one! If you're the better fit for tht person, almost everyone - man or woman - will "trade up". Thus, it's your job to sell your benefits right from the start.

On the other hand at least you're getting some play - meeting and talking to guys. I just hope you got the Brit's number too.

I don't know if he is or is not interested in you as a friend. He DID get your number and that speaks volumes; however, since he's new in town he's also trying to expand his social network. The good news is this: it's not entirely up to him - you have a say in all of this too.

I'm somewhat disheartened to hear that you and he are from out of the country however. That dictates that you already have an instant barrier a year away which can put a damper on much of your dating/relationship activity.

There are two aspects to his "friend" comment:

1) The term can mean anything. You don't know specifically what he meant; but frankly, it doesn't matter that much anyway. Let's say that he only sees you as a friend. Fine. He's not going to be a lonely island while he's here and if you and he pal up; you're going to have access to his contacts along with your own, thus expanding your market! You and he can even meet others together. You help him, he helps you, etc.

2) On the other hand, that might be his way of keeping you slightly off balance. This is exactly what I teach my students to do! If you don't know that he's interested, you're going to do different things to raise his interest than if you think he is! Do you see how this works?

The bottom line is this: go find out! Don't wait around forever for him to call you. If you don't hear from him in a few days, why not call him up and invite him out to sample some of the city that you've discovered? He'll appreciate the offer, trust me. Then, you'll learn much more about the potential.

Best regards...





Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.

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