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A Woman's View of 'The Test'

© Dr. Dennis Neder

Hi Dennis,

I have been working on putting together a few work shops for women on how to attract the kind of man they desire so naturally I have been doing my research on how the other side goes about this. From a woman's perspective, you are 100% on target. Just reading what suggestions you have given men about passing the "tests" I suddenly realized THAT was exactly what I was looking for, a man who could pass these tests.

I can say truthfully, we women (most of us anyway), do not specifically plan and execute these tests as pre-planned events, they just sneak up on us as a subconscious way of weeding through the wimps to find that one real man who we all want to believe still exists out there.

Ok to my question: so where do we women go to find men who actually understand these concepts?

Nothing is less appealing to us than to have to educate a man on how to be a man. I have actually given a few men clues! I said several times "I will test you and do not fail." When they ask what the test will be I usually have said something along the lines of "well it will be something that shows me if you are a man in control or not. Do not allow me to take control." This is of course after they have given me an indication that perhaps they will let the test go right over their heads.

At this point, I usually know it's too late for them but always the optimist, I held out hope they may surprise me and step up. So far they haven't surprised me.

I believe there are many great men out here that just need to learn what you are teaching them. To bad this wasn't a required course in high school... many people would be in happy lasting relationships now if it had been.

Now I want to teach them this as they grow up and I want to find a real man as I simply won't settle or less.

Thank you Dennis for what you are doing for the male population and for society in general, this is what has been lacking since the 70's.


Hello!

Thanks for your comments. It's particularly heartening to hear that you accept "The Test" for what it is. You'd be surprised at how many people I explain this phenomenon to that simply don't want to believe it. Of course, when we start getting deeper into it, it becomes obvious that it's happening - by the very women that claim it doesn't happen!

The Test (and it's younger cousins the "Pre-Test", the "Mini-Test" and the "Test by Proxy") are all subconscious actions with the same primary goal: to determine which men will actively build the kind of relationships for themselves and their girls that you girls ultimately need to feel safe and secure. Let's face it; you'll never feel love unless you first feel this security.

I go into these in great depth in my own seminars, books and recordings as I believe they are the most important lesson for guys to not only hear, but to fully understand. You'd be surprised (or then, maybe you wouldn't) to learn how many guys reject the concept outright - or simply don't want to believe it. It's so foreign to men's own reactions that they don't want to see it in anyone else.

Interestingly, I have never met anyone that actually told the men she dates that she gives these tests however! I think that is a fascinating study in and of itself! I'll bet you're either so frustrated with men that can't pass these tests (let alone recognize them) or you're just this generous. In either case, you must be amazingly patient!

I also agree with you - men today (even older guys) just don't know about these Tests and choose to sit back and do nothing about them. Trying to reach these guys is a monumental task, but we're trying every venue possible from my website (http://beingaman.com) to my books, CD's, DVD's, seminars, articles, these answers and our new show, BAM! TV (http://beingaman.tv).

Interestingly, on the flip side, you girls do a lot of damage to yourselves in order to find the guys that organically understand Tests. A good example is all the women that look for and actually date jerks (all while claiming they don't! How cute!)

Indeed, SOME jerks understand the Test, but most don't. They are simply assholes that don't know any better. These guys are even tougher to educate simply because they're arrogant; but arrogant without a purpose.

Some male archetypes that are more likely to get this are:

Entreprenuers
Businessmen
Political and community leaders
Sports figures
"Old money" types
Think-Tank Intellectuals
Conservatives

...but this is still a crap-shoot as not all the men in these areas are clear either. It's just that there is a higher percentage.

I wish I had a better answer for you, but the reality is, there are very few male roll models today that men can draw from to learn these skills. The worst news is that women are the ones that are suffering the most because of it.

Best regards...



About the Author
Author of Being a Man in a Woman's World, Dr. Dennis Neder is dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. His mantra: start having the relationships you deserve! New articles are posted every Wednesday!

Do you have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? Dr. Dennis Neder answers all email, so send him an email for answers. For more information about his books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products, please visit BeingAMan.com.