I was out on a date recently and during the course of our conversation, my date (who was very attractive) mentioned that she has a lot of "friends" and that she "doesn't need a relationship." I just kept smiling, nodded my head and said, "Oh yeah, tell me more".
She proceeded to tell me that she has various male friends that do things for her and that the car she's driving now was a "gift" and so forth. I was able (thanks to your coaching) to translate her 'women speak' into the fact that she has a small army of wimpy guys for "friends" that she only keeps as her "friends" because they can either:
1) Do something for her.
2) Buy something for her.
3) Take her out somewhere.
I just want to say, Doc, that had it not been for "The System," I probably would've joined her group of "friends," never gotten her respect and would have nothing but an empty wallet to show for it. (She actually called me a few days later with a seductive damsel in distress tone to her voice, asking me to help her with something. I took a pass.)
Please share this with your readers. I want to help you help as many guys as possible to not get sucked into this loser's game. Thanks a million!!
Duncan - who would like to hear your comments on this
Thanks Duncan,
Although you almost never hear about it in the mainstream media, all you guys should be aware that there is a significant percentage of women out there who have no ethical conflict whatsoever with the idea of using men for favors while motivating them with false hopes of intimacy. To you Psych majors, don't expect to see a show about this on Oprah.
But let me make some distinctions here. There are different types of women who use men. Two of the most common are: Ovaria Mercenaria - The Mercenary and her cousin, The Queen Bee. The Mercenary differs from the Queen Bee in that once she has picked out as her mark, a man who will provide her with enhanced social status, unlimited financial resources, and a life of leisure, she will then give her body to him as her part of the bargain - but NOT her heart. She must, however, convince her victim that she has fallen in love with him. That's a crucial part of the con.
What distinguishes The Mercenary from The Queen Bee, is that there is, no matter how hollow and meaningless it may be, some tangible form of reciprocity given for the goodies that she gets. She does get intimate with her victim. (Although once a contract has been signed, i.e., marriage, the frequency of the intimacy often diminishes substantially.)
The Queen Bee, on the other hand, who is the subject of today's article, usually has a collection of several different men who provide her with goods and services and to whom she never gives more than a peck on the cheek. Her guy pals get to be her butler, banker and/or Mr. Fixit, but none of them ever gets to have a real relationship with her.
This tempestuous temptress plays dumb and acts as if she has no idea that the various guys in her orbit are attracted to her and are waiting and hoping that she will choose them to be her boyfriend. If she's ever asked about her relationship with one of them, she'll say, "Oh, he's a really great friend." When translated into English from women speak this means: "He's one of my stooges."
The sick thing is that this is all perfectly fine with Ms. "Me." As far as she's concerned, they're all lucky to be able to spend time with her, and they deserve to pay for the privilege. They give. She takes. That's the relationship. She keeps 'em comin' back for more by being as warm and sweet as sun drenched honey on the outside. But her heart is as cold as a week old cadaver.
One could argue, that these guys who follow her bidding like indentured servants deserve what they get (or to be more precise - what they don't get). But as my Cousin Sal, "The Fish" Love, would say, "In the game of Love, there are no victims, only volunteers."
The problem is that these fellows have allowed themselves to be hypnotized into believing that their investment in time, money and energy is winning them points and helping to build the Queen Bee's romantic Interest Level in them. But the opposite is true. The more hoops these guys jump through, the more the Q.B. chuckles with contempt for them. (Some of them wake up and save themselves from more abuse after only a few months of servitude. Others go on for years in a state of ignorance and denial like living zombies.)
The way to deal with this dangerous darling is to never get involved with her to begin with, no matter how beautiful she may be. Walk away from her the way you'd walk away from a losing crap table in a Vegas casino.
Yes, if you're an advanced student, you could use "The System" to play with her head, give her a taste of her own medicine, and get her to give you some respect. But here's the problem. You won't be able to change the essentially corrupt nature of her character, and you'd ultimately have to dump her anyway. You'd be much better off spending your time and energy courting a woman who is sweet and loving and giving.
Duncan, it sounds as if you may have had and experience in the past of playing the Queen Bee's chump. But this time around, thanks to "The System," you did the right thing. As they say in Australia - Good on ya! Men, let Duncan's savvy handling of this situation be an inspiration to you all.
Remember, guys: if you don't play with the Queen Bee, you can't get stung.
About the Author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!
To link to this page, copy the following code to your site:
Post a Comment
Post a comment about this article or share your own ideas.
Comments to date: 24. This is page 1 of 3.
lee ohio
Posted at 8:31pm on Thursday, January 5th, 2012
I fell victim to one of these women. my own stupidity kept takeing me back to her, even after i read this article. I just could not believe it was true about her, i was so mistaken. well finally i woke up cut her funding now in the middle of winter her electric and gas is being shut off because i refuse to pay her bills. soon her phone will be do and she has no real income. now i am turnning the tables on her i string her along and give her nothing in return. payback time
john hill fairmont nc
Posted at 6:58pm on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
i now and women just like that who stay in lumberton i like to tell her to go to hell
BW SC
Posted at 4:29pm on Sunday, October 30th, 2011
I just dumped mine. The worst part is, I was involved with her about 4 years ago, quit seeing her then, and got re-involved with her again this year. She really pulled the life out of me this time, I do miss her, even the heartache. (just figured this out yesterday thanks to this article). At first we had fun together, dinners, etc. Then slowly, it began, the only time she allowed me to see her was when I was doing something for her. No matter if I was fixing her car, or working on her house, she had me hooked, just wanting to see her again. She always plays the quilt trip card when I would try to confront her or leave, saying why would you do this to me, WHY now. The last time, I just told her there would never be a good time. Then she came back with, "Well I guess you've never had any real friends". Guys, friends like that you don't need. BTW, her initials are GR if any of the other "Stooges" are reading this.
Tony Minneapolis
Posted at 9:26pm on Monday, September 26th, 2011
Yep...I re-encountered a Queen Bee after 7 years. I kept it as a phone friendship for a whole year while she said she missed me and wanted to see me again. She asked me out on a few dates and even asked me if I'd go on a weekend get away with her...her treat but I declined.
Finally after blowing her off I saw her and she ended up talking with another guy who was one of her exes...I left her at the bar and went home.
I should have left it at that and move on but we spent a couple more weekends together...with her daughter, dinner which she made and movies, I actually enjoyed my time, we flirted but I still got the friend thing.
Finally she just told me "I don't need a man in my life, I just want guys in my life who do things with and for me...but if I ever get married again it will be for keeps this time" ...I'm thinking "okay, good for you." An hour later she asked me if I would take her daughter and her dresser back to my place and paint it with her and I just ignored her...Like the girl but a leopard may change it's spots but its still a leopard.
Sucker Boy Boston
Posted at 6:46am on Saturday, February 26th, 2011
What i ened up with was a woman from hell.Sure she would work hard on the chat line to get a date. sometimes never did.Know she worked it for my exgirlfriend. And to my suprise i was ease dropping and over herd.I have a date for you and i will be getting rid of him after 12. these are a sick bunch.And know the chick is in rehab but really needs to be in prison or inpatient. So what type would this be? there reply im not hurting anyone.There was a madame on yesterday and her reply to these type of chicks was if you can sell it then why not.
SUCKER BOY BOSTON
Posted at 6:21am on Saturday, February 26th, 2011
YOU CAN NOT MAKE A HOUSEWIFE OUT OF ANY OF THESE GIRLS ONCE A USER ALWAYS A USER
aakash india
Posted at 8:26am on Wednesday, August 18th, 2010
You are a genius. Years of torment understood in a page. Just genius.
Ernie USA
Posted at 10:59am on Friday, July 23rd, 2010
I have actually spotted a large colony alive and well firmly established nationwide. My advice to those men who get stung get yourself some pesticide with deet.....LMAO
Remember:
"They look mean because nature was hoping you would get the hint"..... LMAO
Thx Doc
william sea washington
Posted at 5:57pm on Sunday, June 20th, 2010
i have been con for 7yrs thats my misstaek i let her take all my money i was dumer dumer
Chino Mexico
Posted at 11:17am on Wednesday, May 5th, 2010
Met this gorgeous girl before. All guys were all over her and when she started to show interest in me I felt awesome, I couldn't believe she would look for me, etc. Some flirting started, sweet talk, and so on. She started to ask me for favors such as doing her homework. I somehow sensed how this was too good to be true so I didn't blindly just gave her all I had. She wanted to hand me her english homework and have me do it all just like that. Nope, instead, I told her to be with me as I did it so she could learn something but it didn't stop just like that. I did help her but also asked her to give me a hand with a design of my homepage since she had more experience in that field. So all in all, I didn't let her use me, instead, I was a "nice guy" but not "dumb guy" and instead had a nice give and take kind of thing. Later, my friend came all excited telling me about how she was starting to call him, sweet talk to him, and all that. I just shook my head and told him "Dude, she tried doing that with me and saw that I was not her meal ticket, movie ticket, handy man, etc. So now, she's looking for other victims, dude, wake up!" but my friend always thought it was for real and became just another walking ATM for her, meal tickets, movie tickets, Santa Claus, Travel Agent, etc. It was until later that he realized what I told him. Tsk tsk tsk, women.
Flirting
