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Should She Not be Trusted, or is it Just Your Imagination?

By: Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I've been using your theories for a few months now. I was able to land a Flexible Giver pretty much right away and she's great! So I have to give you thanks. I believe Lori's Interest Level is around 80% to 85%, but I'm new at your techniques, so I don't know exactly how to gauge it. (Any help here would be greatly appreciated.) Lori calls me every day and is flirty and affectionate when we're together. She tries to get me to talk about how much I like her. (But I don't like to do that. She doesn't verbalize how much she likes me, either, incidentally.) She asks me to do something with her practically every day, and expresses disappointment when I tell her I already have plans.

The problem lies with trust. She asked if I trusted her, and I told her that I did because she's never given me any reason not to. But I wasn't exactly telling the truth, Doc. Maybe she's testing me, or maybe it's just my imagination, but lately I've picked up some inconsistencies in her behavior. I haven't made an issue out of any of this, but let me give you a few examples of what I've noticed:

1. She told me that she didn't want to attend a wedding she was invited to, but when I left town for a weekend fishing trip, she went to the wedding anyway.

2. One night she was three hours late coming over for a date we had. I called her house, got no answer, and the phone beeped and disconnected. She called later (at midnight), apologized, and said that she fell asleep. She said that she accidentally shut off the answering machine the night before. (I let her know that I was upset about her tardiness, but didn't make a huge deal out of it.)

3. A guy friend of hers called while I was at her house. She gestured to me that she didn't want to talk to him, but ended up staying on the phone with him for half an hour.

Doc, my question is this: am I reading too much into these incidents, or should I be concerned? Should I press for explanations? Thanks, Doc! You da man!

Wayne - who's not sure what he's really seeing

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Hi Wayne,

There's a simple reason why you can't see the forest through the trees. It's because somebody's blowing smoke at you, pal! And if you don't watch yourself, you're going to get burned. The bottom line is this: women with 80% to 85% Interest Level never confuse their men and never give them mixed signals.

But let's start at the top. You say that Lori wants you to talk about how much you like her. What's wrong with this girl - does she have a self-esteem deficiency? When a girl wants you to talk about how much you like her, tell her what my cousin, Fast Eddie Love, would tell her: "Honey, I like you almost as much as you love me!"

And Wayne, you're seeing the girl entirely too much. You shouldn't be talking to her every day. Show a little Self-Control. Be a Challenge instead of Mister OnCall (a synonym for the dreaded Wimpus Americanus). Try letting Lori's phone calls back up for three or four days. Then we'll find out for sure whether it's her self-esteem that's lacking, or her Interest Level.

By now it should be obvious that you've actually got more problems in your relationship with Lori than just trust, Wayne. But let's take a look at that issue anyway. Girls who are trustworthy never ask if you trust them. Only girls who are untrustworthy ask that question. To you Psych majors, Doctor Freud used to call it "projection." Like the girl who says to you, "Wayne, I don't care what kind of car a guy drives," she's talking in women speak! Why would she bring the subject up in the first place if she doesn't care about your car? Remember - women don't lie, and men don't listen. Guys are idiots if they don't keep their eyes and ears open.

You ask whether she's testing you, Wayne. Sure, she's testing you - she's testing you to see how much more BS she can sell you before you stop buying it! What will it take to get you to walk away from the manure counter, dude?

Now, let's take your 'incidents' one by one. Regarding that wedding, all she had to tell you afterwards was "Look, my sister wanted to go to the wedding. I didn't want to go, but I owed her a favor." Maybe it was an oversight on her part. This one's minor, Wayne, nothing to lose sleep over. You can't hang her out to dry on it. In the Catholic Church you'd call it a venial sin.

But regarding the second episode, this girl of yours should be writing fiction! Her powers of invention are so strong; she could be the next King or Grisham! Think about it. She accidentally shut off the answering machine? Do you know the miniscule probability of something like that happening? A girl with 85% Interest Level falling asleep and missing a date? Come on, Wayne! You're the one who better wake up!

As far as the third incident is concerned, why didn't you just get up and walk out after five minutes of this conversation with the guy she supposedly didn't want to talk to? I'll tell you why -- because she knows she owns you, Wayne, and by staying there and enduring this humiliation you proved it again.

Wayne, I have to say that yes, unfortunately you should be concerned about the state of things with Lori. And the explanation is, as I said at the beginning, low Interest Level. That's your ultimate problem here.

Remember, guys: never rationalize her behavior.



Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!

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