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Mixed Messages: Should you Retreat or be More Agreesive

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Doc,

I'm a 23-year-old college student who started seeing Michelle, a co-ed, in April. The first time I went out with her was when she invited me out to a bar on a week night. She did lots of touching and wanted to take me home, but didn't. The second time we went out it was for dinner. Afterwards she wanted me to meet some of her friends at the bar and shoot some pool, which I did. (This date was during the week, too.)

All went well and her friends seemed to like me. I shot pool at the bar with her again, and we went back to her house and made out for an hour, and then she started calling more often and invited me over to watch a movie on a Monday night. After we finished the movie I was going to kiss her goodbye and leave, but she invited me to stay for another movie. (I ended up playing with her hair for half of it.)

She called me on Tuesday, and we went to the bar to shoot pool again. Walking in, we ran into one of her guy friends. He says to her, "Hey, sexy," and they talk for a while and agree they should get together for a drink. I played it cool and didn't even ask what his name was.

I called her the next day but got her voice mail and left no message. That was at the end of May, and I didn't talk to her again until I called her in July. She said she would call me, but she never did. Her birthday was this past August 15th and I called her to wish her a happy birthday. She was surprised that I remembered, and I figured that won me some points.

We're both going back to school at the same time, and she said to me, "Give me a call or something." So, should I call her like she said to or wait to see her on campus and strike up a conversation? Also Doc, what would you rate her Interest Level in me? It's hard to sort out her mixed messages.

Thanks.

Garrett - who's curious to know

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Hi Garrett,

You start off by telling me that Michelle's friends like you. Now, think about it -- what does that really have to do with anything? All we care about here is how much Michelle likes you, right? So why did you go back to the bar just to bump into her friends again? Garrett, wake up! I'm going to give you a solid piece of advice: you ought to stay away from Michelle's friends. The only thing you need to do is sell yourself to a girl - and you don't need other people to do that.

And here's another thing, Garrett. You shouldn't be going to the same place over and over again with your date. Who is this girl, anyway -- the granddaughter of Minnesota Fats? And where is it written that you have to go along with every suggestion she makes? What ever happened to being a little bit of a Challenge?

When you date a girl, you should be making sure that she has a great time. (The two of you shouldn't be just sitting around watching movies, either. What can you really learn about her when you're both staring at a screen?) Any activity where there's a high level of interplay does the trick. Try bowling or miniature golf or the zoo. A woman with high Interest Level will never object to inexpensive activities, because all she really cares about is being with you.

Now, when you ran into that "guy friend" of hers, you stood by passively while the two of them made a date right in front of your face. Garrett - are you interested in being Michelle's "friend" or her boyfriend? What you should have done instead with this guy friend was stick your hand out and introduce yourself, then ask him if he could bring a girl along for you when he and Michelle went out for that drink!

Garrett, you're a very, very nice, sweet fellow, but you're also very, very naïve. The reason Michelle didn't call you is because she wasn't interested enough to pick up the telephone. "Give me a call or something," she told you. To you Psych majors, you had her mixed up with someone who cared! Could she be any more lukewarm?

But I wouldn't bother going out of my way for this one, buddy, because she's not worth the effort. By giving out mixed messages, she proved that she has no Consistency, which makes her no good for you. And remember, "The System" tells us that "Women with high Interest Level are consistent."

Sadly, Garrett, from her actions I would rate her Interest Level at only somewhere between 5% and 10%. And when it's that low, you're not even a blip on her radar screen.

Remember, guys, that when a girl doesn't pick up the phone and call you within two weeks, that means you're out forever with that girl.

About the Author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!