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How To Deal With An Impossible Woman

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Hi Doc,

A friend of mine introduced me to your material about a year ago, and I just wanted to thank you. I don't know if I will ever be a master of "The System," but what it has done for me is to allow me to see what is happening more objectively and to do damage control when I screw up and start reverting to my old wimp-like tendencies.

For the last six months I have been dating a beautiful flight attendant who works for a Japanese airline. I live in Hawaii and she lives in Osaka, but she is here 4 or 5 times a month. Anyway, during the last 3 months, the relationship has been getting more serious.

To all you skeptical guys out there, listen to this man, Doc Love! He knows of what he speaks! Remember that she is a flight attendant for a major carrier on a major route, Hawaii to Japan. She gets hit on all the time by handsome airline pilots and vacationing first-class passengers who are doctors, lawyers and celebrities.

However, I, who was until recently a lowly customer service agent for the same airline and am now a poor student once again living with his parents, am the one she chooses to spend time with whenever she is in Hawaii.

When I started going out with Yuko, I would say her interest in me was tepid at best. Maybe 51%? However, by being a Challenge and by not doing what all the other guys were doing I would say I am in the mid to high 70s and still moving up.

For myself, the biggest thing I needed to do was to keep from contacting her too often. When we first started going out, there was a strong temptation for me to e-mail her every chance I could. However, I really restrained myself because Doc Love said that that would chase her away. I would only e-mail her to ask when she was coming and maybe ask about our mutual acquaintances. I keep the e-mails light and humorous.

After she leaves, I try to wait at least 2 to 3 days before I e-mail her again, but I never get mushy. The one thing I keep telling myself is to be patient and let things play out.

These days I don't even bother asking when she is coming. She just lets me know. The date is already implied.

I'm just wondering, at this point, what's your opinion about all this and are there any recommendations you would make?

Your Loyal Follower in Hawaii,

Danner - who is grateful

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Hi Danner,

Of all the women who constantly get hit on and have heard every line in the book a thousand times over, flight attendants would be right up there at the top of the list, along with cocktail waitresses. The number of dating opportunities that are presented to these women on a daily basis is extraordinary.

But you, Danner, you popped one. You cracked the code. You overcame overwhelming odds by playing it cool. There are tons of guys out there who are richer and better looking than you, but they know nothing about Challenge. You left them all in the dust and you did it working with an initial female Interest Level of only 51%. Great job!

Let's look at what the average guy would do were he to meet your exotic Asian co-worker. First of all, he would over compliment her and make several remarks about her body and her beauty, foolishly thinking that this would make her more interested in him.

Unfortunately, the belief that this tactic is productive seems to almost be neurologicaly wired into the brain of the male of the species. Most men never do and never will understand how this habit actually hurts their cause.

Additionally, the average guy would brag and anxiously try to impress her. And he'd try to get her to go out with him immediately or as soon as possible. If she said "no," he would continue to push and pressure her often to the point where she would have to rudely reject him or ignore him.

This is another counter-productive habit that men curiously hold on to like a pit bull with a T-bone. The idea that persistently pestering a woman will raise her Interest Level seems to be the modus operandi of a vast majority of the male populace. Guys will use this strategy, fail miserably with it several times and never rethink their approach.

So, Danner, you are obviously way ahead of the pack. You have The Knowledge, you're putting it into practice and you're getting fantastic results. Just don't get complacent and think that you can now switch to autopilot. Stay on course and hold steady. Keep studying my principles, remain a Challenge and enjoy the ride as Yuko's Interest Level in you gains altitude.

Remember, guys: Challenge, not persistence, is the key to women.

About the Author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!