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How To Handle A 'Flaky' Woman

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Hi Doc,

Well, I've been getting more phone numbers of attractive girls every day, thanks to your coaching. But I've run into one that I'm not 100% positive on what to do about.

I met this cute girl, "Darla," at the campus bookstore. I heard from some of her acquaintances that she can get any guy to do whatever she wants. Well that's fine, but not me. Knowing in advance that she might be that type, I still went for it. I figured that if she really was a spoiled brat, then at least it would be interesting to see how well your theories would work on that kind of girl.

We went out on a first date, costing me only $15. (I got us a lunch at an Italian takeout place and we had a picnic on a great summer day.) We both had a fantastic time, and this girl couldn't stop telling me how much she wanted to go out again. She touched my arm and my leg at least a dozen times. Being fairly proficient in your "System", I didn't respond, and I could see it was driving her crazy, in a good way.

I waited a week and called her and tried to set up a date for Thursday, but she told me she was "working." But she said that we could do it "tonight" since she had "nothing to do". I told her "Okay, tonight works out fine" and ended the conversation. Later, about an hour or so before I was to be at her house, she called and cancelled and gave me some story about why she couldn't do it and that she was "so sorry."

She counter-offered for Saturday, but I politely told her that I was busy. She then gave me even more information that she was going to be out of town on Sunday. I said, "OK" and that I had to go but that I'd talk to her "later."

Doc, I'm confused at this point. I've seen some of the things that you've said telling me to wait two weeks to call a girl after she gets flakey on you. But I have also seen some articles saying that I should just wait it out, and see if she calls me or not and just judge our "relationship" off of that.

What should I do Doc? This chic is fine, but I don't want to waste my time.

Bailey - who's a bit confused

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Hey Bailey,

Although you've run into trouble with this cutie, overall you've handled things pretty darn well so far. You've obviously got a respectable working knowledge of my principles. We just need to tweak your technique and tighten things up a bit. But before we get into that, let's look at what you've done right here.

First of all, you were wise to not react to what Darla's "aquaintances" were saying about her. Often, when you're first dating a girl, all sorts of people will come out of the woodwork who have some kind of agenda based on your NOT being successful with her.

But in this situation, Bailey, you remained neutral, and you took a "wait and see" approach. That's the way to go. Whatever anybody else says about a girl that you're first getting to know, whether it's negative OR positive, you should always take it all with a large grain of salt and check things out for yourself. To you Psych majors, the proof is in the pudding.

The other great thing you did, Bailey, was that you showed this gal a fun time while keeping the cost of the date to a minimum. The picnic idea was perfect. Too many guys spend too much money on a first date, thinking that doing so will raise the woman's romantic Interest Level. It's like trying to beat the Market by following "hot" stock tips. It's supposed to work but it never does. Guys, you should wait until she totally "gone" over you before you take her out for the big ticket activities (if you must.)

Now, Bailey, you got some very strong buying signals from this babe on your first (and only) outing with her. That's great and it makes you feel great when that happens. There's nothing like being out with a cute girl who can't keep her hands off of you.

But before we've gotten past the two-month mark with any woman, things are just too new to rate. What we look for is CONSISTENCY, and this girl is about as consistent as Madonna's hair color. When she flip-flopped on you and broke her date with you at the last minute, she blew it as far as winning your heart goes.

Still, I also want you to be aware that you set yourself up for trouble when you accepted her counteroffer to go out that same night. You lost your posture and made yourself look too available, too eager. Don't do that again, with any woman.

What I need to pound into your head, Bailey, is that this girl, "Darla" violated the sacred commandment: "Thou shalt not break any dates -- especially on short notice." This is not a misdemeanor. It's a felony!

If she had merely told you that she was too busy to go out with you that week but maybe next week, then I'd say give it two weeks plus and try calling her one more time. But, Bailey, SHE BROKE THE DATE. That's it, adios, hasta la vista and sayonara too.

Remember, guys: a broken date is a deal breaker.

About the Author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!