I've been following your advice for quite some time now, and I have to say that you really do know your stuff. I've had more dates in the last three months than I did in the last three years prior to studying your relationship principles. I always had an abundance of opportunities with women but just had no clue that I was doing so many different inappropriate things that were turning all these women off before things even got off the ground.
I'll admit that I have a preference for very beautiful women. Just about every one of the twenty or so different women that I've gone out with in the last few months have all been no less than an 8.5 or so on the 1-10 beauty- rating scale. I'm not bragging. Most of them have been high 9's or 10's. (I guess my ability to pull in the beauties has a lot to do with the way I look. About once or twice a week, someone I see at the market or on the street, or wherever, mistakes me for Ben Afflek - I could probably get a job as his look-alike or stand-in if I wanted to.)
I know that, as you say, the more beautiful a woman is, the more troublesome and high maintenance she tends to be. Well I'm here to attest to the truth of that. I guess my problem is that I get these obvious warning signs (or red flags as you call them) from so many of these women indicating that they are trouble and not long-term relationship material. Nevertheless, I hang in there rather than dump them at the first warning sign because I'm so beguiled by their beauty.
My mind seems to tell me something like, "Ok, so this is the third time in a row that she's shown up more than a half hour late but, well, so what? Look at her. She's a knockout and she's with ME, right here, right now. And look at all the other women and men in this restaurant who are looking at me with such envy and respect. Getting all this admiration and approval kind of makes it all worth it."
But, naturally, after a few more times of the same rude B.S. from her, I do drop her because I get fed up. But then I move on to the next beauty on my list, and then of course have to deal with her particular attitude problem. Man, I'll tell ya, Doc. It is so hard to find a real looker who doesn't give you a hard time or try to bust your chops in one way or another.
I guess what I'm asking for is a kick in the pants and a pep talk/lecture on the main signs to look for that spell trouble when dating a beautiful woman. Also some extra inspirational info explaining why it's best to move on and move on immediately as soon as she reveals her unacceptable character flaws. I kind of feel like an addict who needs some coaching.
Any feedback you could give me would be awesome. Thanks Doc.
Randolph - who just wants to be happy
Hey Randolph,
There are a lot of guys out there who wouldn't mind having your problem. It certainly is an ego rush to be out and about town with one hot babe after another. And if variety is the spice of life, then I'd say that you've got more condiments than Wolfgang Puck.
But as your experiences in the dating trenches have taught you, Randolph, when it comes to being in a long-term committed relationship, the attitude of your potential partner is everything. A couple weeks of consistent nagging and whining from a ten and, as my Uncle Jethro Love would say, "Soon enough, sonny boy, she ain't a ten no more." In fact, by the time it gets to that point, you don't even care what her rating is or was. All you want to do is get her out of your space.
You've got so many opportunities and so much "raw material" to work with that I know I can upgrade your relationship satisfaction level with just a bit of fine tuning. But you are going to have to be committed to straighten up and fly right. No more knowingly doing the wrong thing just to have one extra temporary fleeting thrill.
The key for you, Randolph, is that you have to make your own integrity more important, rewarding and meaningful to you than your addiction to beautiful women. You need to make a real commitment to always do the right thing and to not even start down that path of dabbling with danger and delusion when you see it laid out before you. Turn around and walk on, my Brother. Tell yourself that never again will you compromise your integrity.
All right. Since you are a student of "The System." You probably (and should) know all of this already, but I'm giving you what you asked for: a kick in the pants, an inspirational pep talk to lead you to the truth rather than temptation. (As my cousin Brother Love would say, "Lead us not into temptation, sayeth The Lord.") So take this to heart.
Here are The Top Five Reasons to Dump your Date:
One) She's not a Giver: She's not considerate or helpful. She doesn't help you carry the grocery bags upstairs. She doesn't bring a bottle of wine along to contribute to the picnic dinner. She's all "Me. Me. Me." One of the dead giveaways: she's overly concerned with material things. To you Psych majors, she loves overpriced jewelry.
Joyful giving of herself, her time and her energy, from the heart is just not part of her language. There's NO good reason to have a second date with one of these Gals.
Two) She has no Integrity. She doesn't keep her word. You can't count on her. She's consistently, chronically tardy. She "fibs" a lot and makes things up to satisfy her own little agenda, thinking that you won't get it or at least will let her slide. She even makes up whoppers when she doesn't need to. To you Psych majors, she's a pathological liar.
Yep, she's got some serious character problems. So it's best to weed this woman out of your garden of lovelies as quickly as you can. And I don't care if she looks like an Elle magazine cover girl. Lose her.
Three) She's inflexible. You want to take her to the beach, and she doesn't want to go because the wind might mess up her new hairdo. Doing anything that takes her out of her comfort-zone is threatening to her. She can't handle any kind of spontaneity. She won't change her agenda to fit in with yours. As far as she's concerned, you're the one who's supposed to rearrange your plans to fit her needs. To you Psyche majors, she's a control freak.
Four) She's a Complainer and a Nagger. You can't seem to do anything right in her eyes. "Why do you always…? Why can't you ever…?" are two of her favorite questions to ask. She has no conception of the value of building up a man's ego. She couldn't do it if you paid her 50 grand just to fake it. Down deep she's not a happy person, and she wants to bring you down to her unhappy level.
Ironically, many of these Nagger-type girls think that they are being helpful and constructive when they do their number and have no clue that they are actually pushing men away. (Of course, the more beautiful a Nagger is, the easier it is to find guys who will tough it out, just to be around her. Now, you wouldn't want to be one of those kinds of chumps, would you, Randolph?). Who cares about how she got to be the way she is? Let her work it out with her therapist. It's not your job to try to fix her.
Five) You don't have good chemistry with her, and she's not fun to be with. The package looks perfect. She's a knockout, and she knows how to dress to impress. She's doesn't really seem to have any particular troublesome character traits either. But when you're out with her, you just don't seem to really have fun. You find yourself working too hard to keep the conversation going. She just doesn't 'get' your jokes. This is another losing situation that can be quickly perceived, evaluated and terminated.
The last suggestion I would make to you Randolph, to help wean you from your addiction (and you must truly admit to yourself that you are an addict for this to work), is to put yourself on what I call a super-babe "fast." For the next three months, go out only with women who are high sevens or less. Do it as a righteous discipline that is going to teach you things about yourself that you never knew. When you report back to me after this 90-day period, I'm certain that you'll have some very interesting things to share.
Remember, guys: It's ok to leave first, HONEST!
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
About the Author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!
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