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Should A Guy Ever Be A Woman's Doormat?

© Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I met Stacy through the Internet personals. In her second e-mail she gave me her phone number. We talked and made a date to meet at a club. She was two hours late, but I didn't think anything of it because she called me every half hour to assure me that she was on her way and that she was stuck in traffic. When we got together she gave me all her attention. It was one of the best dates I've ever had.

We agreed on another date, this time dinner and a movie, but when the day came and I called to confirm, she never answered her phone. I called a few times that day and left messages and she never got back to me. Finally I stopped calling her. I was feeling angry and decided never to call her again. Two days later she e-mailed me an apology, then called and asked if the date was still open. Her excuse was that she'd gotten a call from her friends and she really wanted to go out with them. When she remembered our date, she realized she couldn't call me because she'd left her phone at home. Of course I thought it was horse manure, but since she'd called me back and her Interest Level seemed like 75%, and since I enjoyed our first date, I said yes.

Then she did it a second time. The day we were supposed to get together, she didn't answer her phone and I didn't hear from her. She called me later and asked me to go out. I said yes. We met and again had lots of fun - a great time, really. We have a lot in common and shared many thoughts and experiences. Naturally we agreed on a third date.

The third time she stood me up, I felt like garbage. I sent her an e-mail telling her that I liked her a lot, but if she's not going to make it to a date then I at least deserve a call, and that since we're only dating I would understand. She called later and told me she agreed. She explained that at the moment she's not really looking for a commitment and only wants to be friends, but that maybe in the future that would change. She invited me to go out with her and her friends. I went, and again she stayed with me the whole time, cuddling and kissing and getting more intimate than ever before.

My dilemma is that I like Stacy a lot because she is beautiful and because of her attentiveness when we're together. Doc, do you think she could be testing me, or just teasing me? Do you think she might be interested in me but expects me to put in more effort? If so, how do I go about it?

Doc -- help me to understand what's going on.

Woody - who can't seem to rationalize his problem

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Hi Woody,

Your very first mistake was not telling Stacy, when she was late for your first date, that something had come up and you couldn't wait for her any longer, but that you'd make the date some other time. To you Psych majors, don't ever forget -- SHE HAS TO RESPECT YOU. Don't teach her that it's okay to jerk you around from the get-go.

But you went on to a second date anyway. Now, listen to what you're saying here. Stacy's telling you that being with her friends -- who she's seen two or three times a week for the last 22 years -- cannot possibly be postponed! Well, we wouldn't want to break that pattern, now would we? Golly gee, that would be an absolute no-no! But seriously, pal, it's a no-brainer. If her friends are more important than you, the precise translation of Stacy's language runs something like this: "You can find my Interest Level in you at the bottom of the ocean!"

The fact that your girlfriend forgot her cell phone and therefore couldn't call you reminds me that I've probably met her on the lecture circuit. Didn't she write a famous relationship book called A Thousand Excuses To Pull Out When Dumping A Date? Maybe you should have checked it out before you wined and dined her and saved yourself the trouble.

Next, you tell me that Stacy's Interest Level is 75%. Jeez -- you attribute that level of interest to a girl who had you running a marathon with a sackful of rocks on your back? Woody, did you happen to get a look at the beating you're taking? I'd hate to hear your idea of a lower Interest Level - you'd be doing hard time in a labor camp! Can you really be that lonely, pal?

When you said yes to the next date, you were really asking for trouble. At that point do you know what Stacy was thinking? This guy is a real loser! Of course, her next thought was, Hm…but he's got three major credit cards in his wallet begging to be used at a four-star restaurant!

(Fellows, why not keep these early dates to a pizza and beer for 25 bucks? The point is not to try and buy these girls. Your objective should be to find out why she's really here, and expensive dates only cloud the issue. Even Paris Hilton digs some of the guys in the Arkansas backwoods, and they're not exactly rolling in the green stuff.)

But just when I thought I'd heard it all, it turns out you're not through making totally incredible statements. You have lots in common? Guy, you two have NOTHING in common. Your Interest Level in Stacy is 100%, and hers in you is zero. As in nada. Therefore, you have absolutely nothing in common. There's no other way to say it.

So - it took a third busted date for you to finally stand up and fight back, eh? A little late, I'm sorry to say. You were run over by a bloodthirsty tribe of Zulu warriors before it dawned on you that you were being slaughtered. (And they're friendly Indians at Little Big Horn!)

Sure, Stacy's beautiful. Only the world's most dangerous creature, the Beautiful Woman, can get away with murder. But she's neither testing you nor teasing you. The odds of this girl being truly interested in you are about the same as all politicians agreeing to tell nothing but the truth starting tomorrow.

Woody, since you have such pronounced masochistic tendencies, what I think you should do is buy Stacy a whip, then get on your knees and tell her all about how your mother didn't hug you when you were a kid. As the great Love Doctor Sigmund Freud once wrote: "For some guys, love is torture!"

Remember, guys: as my cousin Fast Eddie Love always says, "Don't be a doormat!"

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

About the Author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!