Hi, my name is Ryan and I have been studying and practicing your principles for the last year and a half, with the dedication of a law school student who's determined to graduate at the top of his class. I love the truth, and I recognize it when it's staring me in the face. Doc, as far as the understanding women goes, I am convinced that you are The Master. Every single page of your Dating Dictionary is filled with profound wisdom, wisdom that should be part of the interpersonal-relationships curriculum for young men in every high school/and or college in America.
God bless you. The truth you've brought to my awareness has decidedly set me free. I will never go back to my old habits that only kept me in perpetual confusion and rejection. I cannot thank you enough for the contribution you've made to my life.
Because I've been practicing and applying "The System" so diligently for over a year now, I have been able to successfully court, connect with and establish an amazingly positive, loving, and fun filled relationship with a wonderful woman, Cynthia. We've been going out for over eight months now, and during that entire time she has never once done or said anything that you, Doc, would call a "Red Flag." She's a sweet, loving giver with high integrity and a low maintenance attitude.
Here's the little glitch I ran into with her last week. As I said, Cynthia has never given me any kind of a problem. She's never nagged me, never pouted, never criticized me. She's always kept her word. She always shows up on time. She's a great cook. I mean I could go on and on and on about all her wonderful attributes.
But last Wednesday night, an hour and a half before I was supposed to pick her up for a dinner date at one of the nicest new restaurants in town (It took me three weeks to get the reservation), she called and canceled, or as you'd say it, Doc, she BROKE THE DATE. This was something she has never ever done before. Her excuse? Her dog "Fido" (Yep, that's his real name.) had started to limp in a "strange way," and she needed to take him to the Vet "immediately" to find out what was wrong.
The thing is, Cynthia didn't say she was sorry or suggest another night when we could have our dinner. She was just very abrupt and said she had to go and then hung up. This was very unusual behavior for her, and it left me a bit baffled.
So, Doc, What happened. Did I do something wrong? I know what a big deal you make out of broken dates. Did I miss a red flag back in the earlier stages of our relationship? Or, does it really just mean nothing because we have so much time in together? Please, help! I need some perspective.
Ryan - who is absolutely baffled
Well, I'm glad to hear that you've been so dedicated in your study of my principles. And it's good that you have such a deep appreciation of the profound signifigance of a woman's breaking a date. Here's the deal. If Cynthia had pulled this "My doggie's sick" number on you at the last minute during your first couple of months of courtship, then you would have had to blow her off, rip up her phone number and flush it down the commode.
As you probably already know, Ryan, in the context of a new relationship where deep trust is yet to be built, such recklessly rude behavior on a woman's part would have spelled nothing but disaster. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time when a woman throws you a curve ball like that in the early stages of dating, it is indeed a Big Blazing Red Flag, and it's nothing to be taken lightly. After committing such a serious transgression, a woman can redeem herself and put herself back in the game only by doing something extra-extraordinary. To you psych majors, she has to suck up to you, big time.
She would have to, for instance, insist on driving over to your house, preparing you a five course gourmet dinner and then massaging you from head to toe for a couple of hours as an obsequious plea for forgiveness and understanding (Of course this type of thing happens only once out of a hundred cases, and that may still be too high a number.)
But because you've had eight solid months of love and trust and affection in with this gal, we must look at this particular situation in a different light. In this case you're not going to cut her off, Ryan. Yes, you're going to cut her some slack.
I think that Cynthia was in a highly emotional state when she called you and that she was sincerely worried about her little doggie. Her doggie to her is like her child. That's the way most of us Americans relate to our canine companions, which is very different from the way that some folks in other parts of the world do where stir-fried puppies are regularly offered on the lunch menu of many fine restaurants.
You mentioned, Ryan, that Cynthia is a flexible gal. Well, now it's your turn to be flexible. Let's not look at this episode as a red flag. She did nothing wrong, and you did nothing wrong. My advice is to just forget about it and move on. You've got too much quality time in with this lady to make a big deal out of this. To do so just wouldn't make sense.
Now, if this kind of behavior on her part starts becoming a pattern so that every three or four weeks she slams you with another whammy, then we've got trouble in paradise. But for now, Ryan, stay cool and don't drive yourself crazy trying to analyze the meaning of the "Fido Emergency Freakout." No, just enjoy your great relationship with Cynthia. If we get a red flag down the road, then we'll deal with it when and if it comes. But don't walk around anticipating something negative. Remain positive and enjoy the great relationship that you have.
Remember, guys: if you love her dog, she will love you.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Get a new love advice article from Doc Love every week!