Pleasing Women

Q: Dear April,
I date a lot—and yes, sleep with different women, too. I'm wondering: Is there one thing I can do that will please all the different women I'm with (because I do want them to be satisfied…and keep coming back for more)?

Thanks for your help,
Don Juan Wanna-Be

A: Dear Don Juan Wanna-Be,
Paul Simon once sang about a "one-trick pony" who could only do one thing and one thing only. Unfortunately for us women, the same can be said about most men in bed. Learning how to sexually please your woman—and any woman, for that matter—means putting her needs before your own (at least initially), learning what turns her on, and not being afraid to put your money where you mouth is, so to speak. Trust me, you'll reap the rewards in spades for just putting a little effort in now.

The universal truth
While all women have their own sensual secrets, there are a few that are universally erotic. The key to turning on any woman is to start by making her feel good about her body, and then making her body feel good. Once you've achieved this, she will feel secure and ready to hand over the keys to discovering her own idiosyncratic secrets.

Beauty is in the eye (and lips and hands) of the beholder
The single thing that all women have in common is that they want to feel wanted and beautiful. To please a woman in bed, make her feel beautiful when she's in bed with you. A good lover always does this.

Most women also want positive reactions, obvious delight, and complimentary remarks—but no lies—about their bodies. Really, you can never say too many nice things about a woman during sex…as long as you mean them. But make sure that the words coming out of your mouth aren't the only part of you doing the talking. Your body also needs to communicate to her just how beautiful you think she is.

You can "communicate" this by finding out what she thinks is her best physical feature, and then focusing all of your attention there. If she isn't vocal about it, you be the judge. I guarantee that if she has gorgeous legs, her body will respond in your favor to the kisses, caresses, and playful nibbles you place from ankle to...well, where her legs end.

But don't let the attention stop there.

Become a cunning linguist
Become her sex slave—at least the first few times. Most people concentrate on their own pleasure, so win her over by not being selfish. Pay attention to her. The average woman is more interested in a man who is interested in her, than a man—any man—with a well-endowed body. Let her know that her pleasure is more important than yours. How? By mastering the art of using your mouth for something other than words.

Most women love oral sex when it's done right. And most men haven't learned to do it well. And many of those who claim that they don't like oral sex, simply haven't experienced a man who really knows how to do it. If you are an oral sex artist, chances are, you will own her soul. And as it turns out, men don't just perform oral sex for their partner's pleasure. In one large US study, 90% of men said that they enjoyed performing cunnilingus. I've also heard that the men who make it into the top economic bracket are the ones who perform oral sex on a regular basis! It's a well-known fact that a man's orgasm will be intensified when the woman peaks at the same time. By pleasing her, you are also doing yourself favor.

"O" How I Love Thee
But how do you know when she's really pleased? Nothing says it like the Magical Big "O". A woman who can easily and predictably reach orgasm will have sex more frequently. The payoff is there! And yet many women feel pressured to respond and may even fake an orgasm (Oh no!). As a guy, you should remember that you facilitate her orgasm—you don't "make her come." And if you aren't sure of even how to do that—investigate! Guys, it's your job to figure out how a woman works, and there's plenty of material out there to help you along the way: books, internet sites, classes, and best of all—women. There's nothing we wouldn't rather do than help our guy learn how to help us!

Ready for even more bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice—and sex tips? Visit my Web site, www.AskApril.com. There, you'll find informative articles, expert columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget to also check out my workshop, Win With Women!, designed not only to turn you into the ultimate lover—but the ultimate man!

April Masini