Anatomically Challenged: How to Sexually Please Women
© April Masini
Q: Dear April,
Even though I've been with a few different women over the years, I'm embarrassed to admit...I really don't know what's going on "down there" with women. Now that I have a girlfriend who I really care about, it's important to me that she has an orgasm, but I'm not sure exactly how to make sure it happens. Can you...lead the way?
A: Dear Anatomically Challenged,
A number of emails I've received lately—yours included—have thrown the whole idea of the selfish male lover right out the window. In letter after letter, guys are writing to tell me they're actually worried their wives or girlfriends aren't experiencing great sex! They want to know why it is that their woman doesn't seem to understand her own body, gets uncomfortable at the thought of receiving oral sex, and in some cases, has never even had an orgasm.
Well Anatomically Challenged (and all you other similarly struggling guys and girls out there) I'm here to tell you that you are most definitely not alone. Although we certainly live in a much more sexually free era than, say, our parent's generation, negative attitudes about sex, lack of understanding, and feelings of guilt are still very much a part of our culture...especially when it comes to women. Just think about it: we're supposed to be virginal but knowledgeable, demure yet hot, sexy, but not slutty. That's a tough bill to fill and can leave a lot of us confused. And add to that the influence of culture, religion, and complex physical anatomy, and it's a wonder we women ever have sex at all!
That being said, many of us are having sex. Great sex. Passionate sex. Exciting sex. Fulfilling sex. And your ladies can, too. All they need is a little lesson in biology 101 and some understanding, communication, and patience from you.
When it comes to genitalia, you guys have got it easy. After all, it's all there—out in the open. Ours, on the other hand, is hidden, curvaceous, layered. It takes some exploring to really get to know where things are, and how they work. Amazingly, even few women could distinguish or name all the various parts.
But if there's one spot you and she both should know, it's the g-spot, and it very well may not be where either of you thinks.
The G-spot is found about two inches from the vaginal opening. It is a small mass of tissue that actually enlarges during sex (sound familiar, guys?). The G-spot is connected to that part of the brain that causes orgasms, so, when it's stimulated (through pressure only, not touching), your girl will experience fantastic and powerful orgasm! But, lucky her, that's not the only kind she can have.
There are actually two main types of orgasms a woman can experience: clitoral and vaginal. Guys are usually surprised to find out that the former is actually more intense for most, so all that "in and out" is actually not what's doing it for her (though we more-than-understand it's what is doing it for you). Rubbing her in the right places while you're in n' out is.
"But wait", you might be thinking, "my girl can't experience any type of orgasm, let alone this kind or that". If this is the case, you've got some questions to ask her to find out what's really going on. Questions like:
- Has she had an orgasm before?
- If so, how was it brought about?
- Can she have them when she masturbates/Does she masturbate?
- Does it help when she receives oral sex?
- What else can you do to make her feel good?
- Does she feel satisfied sexually without orgasm?
Interestingly, some women can be satisfied without reaching orgasm every time. The problem occurs when they rarely or never do. If that sounds more like your woman, and you both already understand the way her body works, you and she both may have bigger issues on your hands, as this can be a sign of a lack of an emotional connection between the two of you (key for a woman's sexual experience), complicated feelings about sexuality, or a troubled history with.
In any case, the best thing you can do is together, learn about her body (books and fun videos on the subject abound), ask intimate questions, never condemn her for a lack of understanding, and have lots and lots of different types of sex. Homework like that is enough to make any guy want to go back to school!
Want even more great tips on sex, dating, and everything in between? Visit my Web site, www.AskApril.com.There, you'll find informative articles, an expert sex columnist, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget to also check out my workshop, Win With Women! to really help ensure you're "anatomically challenged" no more!
America's foremost internet dating and relationship expert, and author of the best-selling book, Date Out Of Your League, is continually sought out for her expertise and opinion by the world's most widely read publications, including: The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Maxim, Fitness, Essence, Hustler, Cosmopolitan and The Los Angeles Times, (to name only a few). She is what Steve Kasper, Sr. EVP of MillionaireMatch.com, refers to as "the new millennium's answer to Dear Abby." And now, with "Ask April", her on-going relationship advice column featured on several of Forbes Magazine's "Best of the Web" winners, as well as on her own online magazine, www.AskApril.com (one of the most trafficked dating and relationship sites), she is quickly becoming the Web's most popular advice columnist! April has also been the featured guest on both local and nationally syndicated radio and television shows, with over 1,200 national media appearances.
When she isn't writing, this former model/actress is leading seminars, guest lecturing, and dedicating her time to Masini Enterprises - her multifaceted television and film production company whose accomplishments have been record-breaking, and award winning, with strong connections to everything from "Baywatch" and "Blue Crush" to "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" and "Miss Universe".