By Perry Rose
A man can be part of the design of your life, not necessarily the redesign of your life.
- Glen Close
Patience is a virtue. Without it, it makes life that much more difficult. Not to mention a lot of times winding up dating a walking, talking real meat loaf! Many of us get in such a dating rut that we often settle for the person we are not compatible with. (Personality and character that is.) Just because you are having a little dry spell doesn't mean you have to settle for that man you are not compatible, or truly content with. Does it?
The only time a dry spell is good for you (yes, I said good for you) is when you can't stop judging a man by his looks. A dry spell can push you into dates with many men who wouldn't fit your mold for that ideal mate. You're attracted to him only after getting to know him. You have found in him more than what meets the eye. So yes, a dry spell can be good for you.
Sometimes it's a waiting game. You have to wait for that right one to come along, and avoid the ones who won't make you feel whole as a lover and a friend. The right man should be able to make you feet good and make you laugh. That should be just part of what you want in him.
Good things come to those who wait!
Write that out in big bold letters and tape it on your bathroom mirror, because good things do come to those who wait! What do you really have if you don't have the patience? Having a wonderful, loving, sex-filled relationship with someone is something we all want in a mate. That's not the only thing to life, but it comes pretty damn close.
Sometimes it's best to just not think about men. Yeah...RIGHT! Concentrate on your life. What do you like to do for a hobby?
I mean, besides looking for men!
Do what you most enjoy out of life. If it's men, do the second most enjoyable thing in your life. Don't think about having a man right now, because he will come. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. At times you just can't stop thinking about men. Haven't you ever noticed that? The time flies by when you stop thinking about them and do other things in your life. You just might suddenly find yourself in a relationship that you have been looking for all this time. When you have your mind on other things and letting the time go by, before you know it you just might find yourself in a good, stable, satisfying relationship with that man you have been looking for before. In most cases it works, and it works because you aren't thinking about it anymore, and therefore not trying anymore. Eventually he will come along.
This can also make you appear more appealing to the right men out there. They notice that on some women. You will be giving a signal of: I don't need a man to make me a whole woman. I can't explain it, but it does happen. At the same time though you want to be very friendly and pleasant to the men out there. Make yourself approachable and attractive, but in a nonchalant way. Being aloof is not an attractive trait to have. Men will tell you so.
That's the way life is for many people. There are those who have it all: A great job, easy breaks in life, money and success. While the rest have to work and wait for it. But is there anything wrong with working and waiting for what you really want? You have to be patient. It's hard to spend life without loving someone and being loved, but being patient can be the key to opening new doors for you. Concentrate on other things that will take up all of your idle time. The more you sit around, the more you think about men. Isn't it true? The more you keep your mind busy on other things, the less you are going to think about him. Then the faster he will come to you!
Not thinking about men all the time is also another benefit for you. It can refresh yourself when it's time to start looking again. That is, if you want to look again. It shows on you when you are refreshed. It's like your batteries are recharged. Your positive attitude shines through more. You're ready to try it again, but this time with more gusto and feeling. It will show on your face. You will feel it. So take that needed break.
Now with all this said, you may be a little confused. First I say you should date men who don't fit your mold for the ideal mate, and then I turn around and say you shouldn't date the ones who aren't your type. I think I better explain myself before you call me a typical male. I think I can make myself clearer by telling you a little story.
I was once friends with a woman who had serious men problems. Her favorite saying is probably similar to yours: "He's either gay, a jerk, or is already taken." Well the day came when she met a man who she later began dating. She introduced him to me, and right then and there I knew he wasn't right for her. There was just something about him that set off a silent alarm for my friend. Maybe she knew it too, I don't know, but about a month later it turned out I was right. He landed up being your classic psycho. So of course my friend and I couldn't help but to pin that nickname on him. During their time together he would ALWAYS call her and, a little at a time, he would start to weird out. He was always asking where she's been, and he started getting that look in his eyes that can only be found at your local sanitarium. She naturally called it off, but he kept on calling, even at her job. Sound familiar? It took over a month before he got it out of his system. And longer for her to get him out of hers!
I knew he wasn't right just by the way he looked, and from his persona. A lot of times you can't tell what a person is like just by that, but with this guy you could. I think my friend could see it also, but she went out with him anyway because she was in one long dry spell. There are times when you shouldn't date some men because there are extreme differences. And I don't mean his height and he isn't as handsome as you would like him to be.
For now though, go with your intuition. Sometimes you know he isn't the one just by talking with him. He may not have that right personality or character, or there is just something about him that just isn't right. Don't go out with a certain man just because he is giving you his attention, or he is the only one around at the time when you know deep down it won't work. And yes, I know, sometimes you do need more time to know for sure, so make it a coffee date, just in case he isn't. Be sure to look for inner beauty, and see if his personality and / or character at least partially connects with yours.
Having a dry spell could be a blessing in disguise.
A dry spell...good for you? Now that sounds pretty stupid, I'll admit. But think about it, don't some of us tend to go out with someone who doesn't interest us, just because we are in a dry spell and will go out on this date because...IT'S A DATE?! Are you thinking? And for some of you, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts (don't ask me what that means) that sometime during your date he became more interesting and maybe more attractive to you. A dry spell can kick you in the butt in getting you to go out with men who you may think aren't your type. During this reluctant date he may not be so bad after all. Ahhh, the irony of it all.
Do you know someone or have a friend who fell in love with a man who didn't fit her mold for that ideal mate? Did she go out with him just because she was in a dry spell and later found him to be more attractive than from when she first saw him? We judge people by just the outer surface. We take one look at another and immediately judge whether or not they are worth a date, or getting to know, especially if this takes place at a bar or a club. Some things we don't want or avoid are many times wrapped in unattractive wrapping.
© Perry Rose