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Marriage Material

© Nancy Fagan-Murphy, M.S.

What are the qualities you look for in a potential husband or wife?

Have you ever dated someone you were crazy about, yet wished you could change this one little thing about him or her? Have you reveled in the fact that you and your sweetie had almost everything in common, yet you still broke up? Just what is it that we really need to look for in order to promote a successful future with someone?

Perhaps the best way to determine whether he or she is wedding-worthy is to ask yourself a few questions. There are five basic elements that you need to really look at before any relationship can progress towards something truly successful. These elements are as follows: emotional, sexual, intellectual, financial, and spiritual.

Emotional: Take the emotional aspect of a person's makeup. This area includes a person's psychological characteristics, emotional styles and expressions. Perspective on the world, level of self-esteem, confidence, intimacy, ability to share, commit. Weaknesses, strengths, respect of self and others, vanity, attitude. The list goes on...

Sexual: Sexuality means different things to different people. For some, it means the physical act itself, perhaps something wild, while for others, romance and expression play an important part. A few traits to keep in mind when looking for a partner might be level of interest, romance, attraction, love, variations, response, monogamy, communication, risk taking, playfullness, awareness of STDs, and physical appearance.

Intellectual: How a person thinks about the world he or she inhabits, and how they interact day to day. Some people are casual and some thrive on being type A personalities. A person's intellectual style influences would include expression of ideas, level of education, sense of humor, goals, skills, hobbies, mistakes, converasation and learning styles, interest and quickness of thought.

Financial: Money affects everyone. How one treats it tells much about him or her, and can make the difference between a comfortable life and a life of living Hell, so it's important to be compatible in this area. Pay attention to spending style, lifestyle, goals, retirement, savings and ideas about money and debt in general.

Spiritual: Spiritually doesn't necessarily mean a person's religious orientation, rather a basic belief system about life in general. A sense of self, a reason for living. It includes beliefs about ethics, the importance of religion, purpose of life, optimism, acceptance of others, integrity, honesty, responsibility and social values.

Using the Core Elements to Make a Match

Whenever you are interested in someone, it's important to know her views on each of the five components. The more areas of comparability, the stronger the foundation of the relationship will be. People can have differences, but it adds strain to a relationship. Observe and communicate, and hopefully, you will be able to catch differences early on, to avoid pain later.



About the Author
Nancy Fagan-Murphy, M.S., author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance" and "Desirable Men: How to Find Them."