Practical Ideas and Advice for Kindling ‘Just Because It's Tuesday' Romance
Dear Aysel:
My husband just started a new job as a salesman, which requires him to travel all over the country for days at a time. When he had an office, there were pictures of the kids and me all around him to remind him how much we love him when he had a tough day. What can I do to remind him how much his family loves and misses him when he is thousands of miles away?
~Missing My Mobile Main Squeeze
Dear Missing My Mobile Main Squeeze:
Spending time away from a loved one can be stressful and difficult for the entire family, but many jobs require travel and that means each person will have to adapt to the demands of his new position. You will be a critical success factor in this transition and your attitude and actions can easily make or break this opportunity for your family.
Separation can make the heart grow fonder and make you both better appreciate the time you do spend together. Sometimes quality is the only alternative to quantity. I have enjoyed "tying" my husband up for years…and so have the kids. We are always on the look out for neat ties that remind him of us. He has ties with kids, ties with books, ties with Harley Davidson motorcycles and even ties from his alma mater, which we happen to share.
When he goes away, we all get into the fun of picking out his ties for the trip. The kids and I put little notes in his pockets, his underwear and even his briefcase. We find cool magazines about log cabins, cars and photography and put them in his carry-on luggage, in case he gets stuck at an airport for hours on end. And, of course, there are always some homemade cookies tucked away for when his blood sugar takes a dive.
My son made a funny picture from a recent trip to Mexico my laptop screensaver, so even if I have to travel out of state, I can still see his handsome face and infectious smile every time I check my email. Of course I have never taken a trip that did not include a scavenger hunt for love notes from my sweet husband. (The best hiding place was a small card taped inside the last few pages of a marketing book I was reading when I left home. I found it a week later on the flight home to my family.)
Time and space does not have to be about loss and letting him know that you and the kids are home "pining" away until he returns. Spend your time learning how to scan the kids' artwork and attach it to an email to him, coming up with EMERGENCY ONLY silly games he can play while being rerouted for the third time on his trip home, and anticipating each homecoming with romance and love.
Traveling can be exciting and suck the life out you at the same time. Make sure you don't dump a world of problems on him when he comes through the door. Greet him with a smile, a hug and most definitely a kiss...the same goes for those women who work out of a suitcase. Make him a nice dinner and let him unwind before you unload. Life is not always romantic, but you can lessen the bad stuff by allowing everyone to be in the right mood and frame of mind to deal with any "issues". Screaming kids, exhausted travelers and overwhelmed spouses need a good, fun and positive environment to help get them back to being their best. Rent a funny movie and make "homecoming" an evening for family fun and relaxation.
Of course your husband will also need to remember that you will now be holding down the fort and will, most likely, be ready for a night out when he wants to do nothing more than stay at home. Romance can take on a new and passionate persona, but it will require work from both sides. Give when your husband needs you and take when he is able to give. This new position might not be what you wanted, but look at it as an opportunity for him to support you and the kids, as well as allowing both of you to focus more on what really matters in a relationship: the other person.
If you would like to share your ideas for romancing your sweetie across the miles, please email them to questions@ayselarwen.com.
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